Chix Chat

From: Anne
Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2001 3:40 PM
Subject: Who’s Nellie? (Kidding!)

Hello, Michele!
 
I do like the colors in your letter! I’m trying to find a cool e-stationary/style. But who says you can only have one?
 
We’re all well here. I hope you’re all good too! Is it still raining? Or is it hot, sunny, and humid like it is here?
 
I think my sinus problem is in the process of clearing up. I haven’t had makeup on for the last three days; my boss mentioned that I look pale. (I am pale!) Today, the boss’s cute son came in. He probably thought, "Zoiks! What’s wrong with her?!" I’m sick, Pal. I guess I won’t be marrying him after all. (LOL!) Trust me, that is not an option for so many reasons - the main one is that I could NOT have my boss as my Mother-In-Law! The mere thought chills me to the bone!
 
Oh, yes, Sara and Mom are both Christians. Mom and Dad took us to church "before we were born" so-to-speak. I think that’s great that you led your family to Jesus! I’m curious, do you and your family talk about "religious things" much? We don’t really, although I wish we would. I’m trying to bring things up more. I agree that it’s very important to strengthen others in the Christian walk, and to have that in the family would be such a blessing!
 
Anyway. I don’t mind if you write long letters; I’ll probably do the same - often! When you’re on a roll, what can you do? I like to read other people’s ideas and experiences. Plus, just about everything you write, I think, "SO TRUE!" I thought that when you mentioned how some girls are always hunting a man, like they can’t feel complete without one. I think that is the saddest thing in the world! One sure way to be unhappy is to obssess over what you don’t have!
 
That’s also true at work. You mentioned people who quit after one day: I dare say these are people that are always looking for that proverbial green grass on the other side of the fence. There’s nothing wrong with working to improve, of course, but if someone can really be happy where she is - wherever she is - that is living The Dream!
 
I enjoyed your Tales of Chaz! Hmmm. Could there be a Chaz-esque character in your book? I can absolutely relate to crushes; I’ve liked (unrequited, of course) so many guys: Terry, Heath, PJ, Jamey, Robbie, Trent … we don’t really have time for all of them! I used to be so shy also, and I could never talk much to them. That’s a shame too, because if I was then like I am now, my personality just might have won them over! I used to think that we were exchanging "meaningful looks." Well, they were meaningful to me anyway! If I saw one of my crushes, I would come home and write excitedly in my journals - I would use a special colored pen because it was such a good day. There’s something extra-fun about flirting. It’s so personal and, like you said, so flattering!
 
I will say more about Trent since he was probably my last huge (non-celebrity) crush; I even wrote "fanfiction" about him. (It was pretty G-rated.) He was great: so handsome and so fun! He used to live up the street from us. He rode the school bus with me (not nearly often enough) when I was in ninth/tenth grade and he was a grade ahead of me. He went to my church and that’s probably why I used to want to go to every service! He stopped going to our church in about … I’m really guessing here … 1993. He got married a few years ago. I hadn’t seen him for a year or two before I read that in the paper, but it still brought me down a bit, because of all the guys that I knew, he was the only one that I could actually picture myself marrying. Not that we ever dated or anything. As I said, I was Miss Shy/Meaningful Glance.
 
I realized a while back that guys do know a "good girl" when they see one: I’ve often suspected this is why so many guys wouldn’t give me a second look. These days, I’m glad when THOSE types of guys aren’t interested in me: I still consider myself a good girl - Ray never really understood that. Talking about past relationships - even crushes - I think they all teach us something and help us learn about ourselves. (There I go again with that everything-happens-according-to-God’s-plan line again…) Before I realized that, I was a little bitter for quite a while because "no one that I like ever likes me back!" It can be frustrating, but it goes back to what we were discussing: being content and being patient while waiting for The One God has for us. I’d say that is definitely worth waiting for!
 
Also on the subject of dating, I was at an inventory "gig" last night. Some new guy kept talking to me. He finally asked, as I suspected he eventually would, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Do these guys even realize that "do you have a boyfriend?" and "would you consider going out with me?" are two entirely separate questions? I came up with a theory about guys a while back: I figure that if they ask out many people at all they have experienced a moderate amount of rejection, so they develop a pretty thick skin and a pretty casual attitude about asking most people out. It’s like, "Eh. Why not ask?" I just thought of another theory: the smoother they sound, the more practice they have probably had! I plan to start answering that question with a firm, "No, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t want really want one right now." This should allow the guy to "save face" and not even try to ask any more, although it may make him think, "Aha! A challenge."
 
That brings me to one of two questions that I have for you about dating: do you think that we might miss out on perfectly nice guys because we’re not giving them a chance? As an example I specifically have in mind one guy that I know: he’s very smart and  nice, he has a great job, and he is a Christian - he has even done missionary work in another country. He asked me out when I had a boyfriend and I declined. He asked me out at the last minute a few months ago, and I truly had plans. I tried to suggest another day (I felt bad about turning him down twice.) but it didn’t pan out. He’s one of those that you feel bad when he asks because he does have all these great points, but (like my friend’s friend’s geeky brother) well, he’s no Trent. I wondered if it’s unfair or even unrealistic to compare guys like that, but I know if I went out with that guy, I would feel like it was a pity date because I have no "physical attraction" to him at all! All of that brought me to the question at the beginning of this paragraph. Maybe it’s selfish, but I really want to have some attraction to the next person I go out with. I want to be excited at the prospect of dating them, not feel like I’m doing a public service.
 
Brief FYI about Mr. Geek with Good Points: he has actually been in El Salvador - again - with his new girlfriend who lives there, so he should be "taken." (Pshew!!) But I know that a similar situation will pop up again!
 
The other question is similar: how do you feel about going out with someone that you aren’t attracted to? My pushy friend (God bless her) encourages me to do that with basically anyone who asks: "Go on one date. Let them buy you dinner. If there’s nothing there, tell them "no" the next time and the next until they get the message." Theoretically, it makes sense,  and you avoid the previous question issue because you are sort-of giving them a chance. I’ve gone out with guys like this before (honestly it seems like that’s *all* I’ve gone out with!), and I don’t like feeling like I’m using them (while on a Pity Date). Plus I think if you truly don’t see yourself having a future with them, it’s more than a little mean to get their hopes up. But if you say no, it goes back again to "should you give them a chance?" It’s so debatable and frustrating! I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter.
 
That’s about it for now. Talk to you later! God Bless!
Anne