m - 13 june 2001
From: Michele
Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2001 8:37 PM
Subject: Do you realize if we lived during the Civil War, we’d be enemies? 
Hi Anne!
I enjoyed reading your e-mail (as I always do). To answer your question about the weather here (rainy or hot & sunny): It is hot and sunny! Humid! Its a "why bother to put on make up" day. Of course I did anyway, after all, my public awaits! (lol)
I don’t talk about religious things with my parents much. I talk to Danielle more about that stuff. We’ve had quite a few heart-to-heart conversations, mostly about trusting God with every aspect in our lives. Especially romance.
I agree with you when you said a sure way to be unhappy is to obsess over what you don’t have. I have to watch myself when I fall into the "I want/I wish trap". I want this … I wish that. When I stop to realize what a great life I have- it puts things in perspective. I mean, I’m healthy, I have a great family, I’ve never been abused in any way, I’m attractive and I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and I have God in my life. And that only scratches the surface of the blessings in my life. That saying "comparison is the root of all evil" is so true. No matter how hard you try, there is always going to be someone who is smarter, prettier, richer, thinner, faster, taller, wittier, friendlier (ect) than you are. And while your’e comparing what you would want in someone (god, she’s built so perfect. I’d do anything to trade my size 12 body for her size 8 ) that person might be looking at you and comparing what she wants (she has the prettiest blue eyes. What I wouldn’t give to have eyes like that!) So instead of running around, exhausting yourself trying to "keep up with the Joneses" doesn’t it make more sense just to accept yourself for who you are and just to enjoy your life? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want to look your best or better yourself- I’m just saying that if you’re going to lose ten pounds or go to college- do it for yourself , not to try to "out do" someone.
That’s my two cents on that issue. 
Well I told you about two-day-Tiffany. Now I’ll tell you about one-day-Betty. Yes, Nora hired another lady, Betty. She worked ONE day, and quit! Unbelievable, isn’t it? These one and two dayers (yes, there have been others) don’t realize what "difficult" is! First of all Nora is the nicest boss I’ve ever had. If you can’t get along with Nora, you might as well not associate with anyone! (unlike your boss- I think Nora would be a great mother-in-law. Too bad her only son is a mere 15 (lol)). Second of all, everyone I work with is really nice. I was accepted right away and everyone went out of their way to make me feel welcome. Thirdly, the job is a breeze once you get the hang of it. I don’t think Tiffany or Betty would have been satisfied working anywhere.
No, the main character in my book isn’t based on Chaz. Maybe the part where he is an alcoholic is the same, but other than that, no. Oh- Chaz does have a kid. A daughter. I think she’s sixteen now. He was married before. Yes, I too have a list of crushes (what a fitting word) T J, Jeff, Tony, Matthew, Chaz, Dwight, Patrick, Bob, Bob, Phil, and Harry. All of them unobtainable in various levels. Harry was the only "crush" I went out with. Was it worth it? Not really. I keep journals too and would excitedly recount my encounters with whichever crush I saw that day. TJ was my first significant crush (when I was 16) and I just shake my head and chuckle when I read some of the things I wrote about him back then. I saw TJ today! O-mi-god! He is so cute! He said Hi to me! Oh, I love him so much! Silly, child. Don’t you know what real love really is? I think the reason why I liked him so much was that he was the first good-looking boy that treated me nice. I felt comfortable around him. I think he liked me too. Unfortunately, he was used to the girls running after him and I wouldn’t do that. I didn’t think he knew how to run after a girl. Anyway, he started dating this girl, Maria. We remained friendly with each other. He seemed miserable with her. I always wonder, if you’re miserable with someone, then why are you with her (or him)? Then one day- guess what? Maria’s pregnant! I’ll never know for sure, but I suspect that she got pregnant on purpose to try to trap him into marrying her. IT didn’t work. They never got married. I think that’s a horrible thing to do- getting pregnant to try to trap a man. They had their daughter in 1992 and they broke up about two years later. Last I heard Maria got married and I really don’t know what TJ’s up to now. The last time I saw him was about three years ago. Now, looking back, he might be thinking "you stupid, fool! I could have ended up with a really nice girl. But no, I had to settle for second best." Well, he and Maria made their choices. No one put a gun to their heads and said- "you have to sleep together". Back when I thought I was in love with him, the mere thought of us being "just friends" almost repulsed me. Now I can see myself being his fried. Heck, I’d even go out with him just as friends. Who knows he could have gotten married for all I know!
I have a couple more Chaz stories (chuckle) First of all, on valentines day 1997, I sent him an anonymous card! I wasn’t brave enough to sign my name (I might be now), but I think he suspected it was me. Its so funny because when I mailed the card I was so brave then as the day went on I got progressively more nervous. "What have I done?" crossed my mind a couple dozen times. He never came right out and asked me if it was me. Sometimes I wish that he did. Anyway, when I wrote him that letter and told him I was praying for him- I told him that it was me who sent him the card. The second chaz story is that Christmas that year I gave him a card. Yes, hand-delivered it to him! It must have been God giving me the courage to do that because looking back, I’m still amazed I was able to do it! I honestly wanted to give him a card because I wanted to share my faith with him and what better time than Christmas? I even wrote a verse in it from this celtic song, Cantus by Connie Dover. It is a beautiful song- I’ll e-mail you the lyrics to it if you’d like. Anyway, I gave the card to him on december 23, but I didn’t see him again until a few weeks later. He thanked me for the card and said "I liked the prayer you wrote in it." Then he kinda laughed and said "I need it." I just reached out, took his hand and said "Its never too late for anyone, Chaz." he looked at me and said "I hope not." This is why I believe with my whole heart that I will be the one woman that he will always remember.
I can relate how it brought you down when you found out Trent got married. I recently found out that Matthew (yet another crush) has two children and just had a baby with his current girlfriend. I don’t think they’re married. Even though I’m completely over him, I still couldn’t help but feel a sense of ‘what does she have that I don’t?"
Now to answer your questions. Since they both deal with physical attractiveness I’ll just answer them both with the following: I, personally, could never go out with someone who I wasn’t attracted to. I’m not talking that I would only date this super handsome man. But the man has to be attractive to me. I don’t care how sweet or nice the guy is, there has to be an initial attraction there. There has to be that spark. IT doesn’t have to be a huge spark, but it has to be there. As for your pushy friend who suggested that you just go out with anyone- does she go out with just anyone? I don’t know, maybe she does, but if she doesn’t she should "practice what she preaches" I just couldn’t see myself going out with a man who I felt nothing for. I don’t care if he’s a nice guy or not. THere are just as many nice men who I would be attracted to. Think about it. What if the situation were reversed? Say you asked a guy out and he accepted and you two have a relatively nice date. Then at the end of the date he turns to you and says "Look Anne. You’re a real nice girl and everything, but frankly you don’t turn me on. I’m not attracted to you. I just went out with you to get a free meal and I wanted to go out on a date. So if its all the same to you, I think its best that we don’t go out again." Wouldn’t you feel about two inches tall? If I went out with someone I wasn’t attracted to, I’d just be getting his hopes up. I think physical attractiveness is the spark, but personality is what keeps the fire going.
Anyway, that’s my take on it. Feel free to comment on what I said.
Well, I guess that’s it for now. Until next time, take care and God bless!
Michele
