Chix Chat

From: Anne
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2001 11:18 AM
Subject: I thought it was Voo-slew …

Hello, Michele!
 
I figured that y’all would have a busy weekend rush for Father’s Day. I used to wait tables: I *know* about difficult to maintain a Christ-like attitude! People can be so blazingly rude!! (Warning: shameless self promotion follows:) I have posted stories from my time in the trenches on my webpage!
 
Are Shelly and New Girl still at work?
 
WOW! 1000 cds and tapes!! I have about 2 cd’s but I have several tapes - nowhere near 1000 - maybe fifty! I like a wide range of songs too. I want to get the video for No Strings Attached. For a brief while, I was obsessed with NSYNC, particularly with JC. I found a website (rollingstone.com) where I could watch videos - at the time they had two NSYNC ones and one was Bye Bye Bye. I would listen to that song over and over on the Net although the video was less than high quality. This was when it was about to end with what’s his name - I was referring to him as "my soon-to-be ex." I need to check that site again and see if there are any new videos!
 
I mentioned to someone this weekend (who had asked about my love life) that my ex had tried to call and I turned him down. She was very encouraging - as everyone has been - and said, "Good for you! You deserve better." She and I had chatted about him before a little; I’m really surprised she remembered. I didn’t tell her that much, just how he never called when he said he would and that he frequently stood me up. Then again, most people don’t know as much about him as you do! Don’t you feel special? I sure didn’t tell my family that he smoked pot - I don’t want them to lose any more respect for me! Did I tell you that after he lost his apartment (couldn’t pay for it!) he moved back in with his ex-wife? He insisted there was nothing going on, and I guess I believed that. (At that point, our so-called relationship was dying anyway, so I had bigger worries about us.) The more I think about it, the more flabbergasted that I am that he was not *ashamed* to call me!
 
I said before that I was a little sad, believe me that didn’t last long when I started thinking about the bad times. Like the time we were at WalMart with his kids and he got mad at me because I didn’t chat with them like he thought I should. (He would often be peeved about that: I’m serious!) Hey, I’m a pretty quiet person too, ESPECIALLY when the present company won’t respond to my initial chatting efforts. This particular time at WalMart he started giving me the artic-cold shoulder and I finally just left and he said an artic-cold, "bye." I was so mad that day! I always said that he wanted a combination of Mrs. Brady and Debbie Does Dallas! Those darn kids! What a mess! I WAS SO UNHAPPY WITH HIM! Thanks to that situation, "NO KIDS" is very high on my priority-in-a-man list, with "NEVER MARRIED" a close second.
 
Usually I can’t even be too angry at him, because I knew how he was, and I didn’t break it off. Chell was right about one thing: she told me back when I was really having doubts about us - about a year ago - that I should break it off and save myself heartache in the long run. Hindsight’s 20/20, and I absolutely should have done that! Instead of cutting my losses, it ended slowly and painfully with me wondering why he didn’t call for weeks at a time. Then when I had *finally* accepted that it was over, he would call again and I’d be like, "Okay, we can hang out," and the whole cycle would repeat AGAIN! I’d sit and rant about it to Sara, and I’d write pages in my journals trying to decide the "right" thing to do. Oh, Michele, it was such a mess! I’d like to point out here that he and I never had sex, and I am so glad!! (I don’t think my mother believes that.) We…um … messed around (no details!) and I regret that enough; I’d be truly mental and beyond bitter if we’d "gone all the way" and then he did like he did. When he called the last time some hotel showed up on the caller ID; mom said that he probably expected me to go running down there. I am so embarrassed that she said that; I’m too embarrassed to even try to explain!
 
It’s mean, but I like the thought that I hurt him. Heck, thanks to the drinking and the pot, he’s probably forgotten about it by now, but I’d have liked to see his face when I said, "No. I don’t want to find myself in a situation like that ever again." He probably thought, "it wasn’t *that* bad." He was like, "we can just hang out as friends." We don’t have enough in common to be friends! I told him, "You know, I treat people that I don’t like all that much better than you treated me." Writing all of this, I’m getting fired up! I want to see him and yell at him some more!!!!! What’s the point though? (see next paragraph)
 
But, it’s like I always say, everything is according to God’s plan. There must have been something that I had to learn - and learn the hard way! Looking back, I see that things were so difficult for us because it wasn’t "meant to be" and we were trying to make it be something that it wasn’t. You wouldn’t know it from my rambling, but I really don’t think about him that much anymore. That’s in the past and no anger or regret now will change it.
 
You should definitely be glad for only one date with Harry!
 
I said that Sara likes to stay home: don’t get me wrong, I like to be at home too! Lately I find myself really liking my family and wanting to be around them. That chatty guy at the inventory place (who asked if I have a boyfriend/husband) asked what I do for fun. I do have fun, but I wasn’t sure how to answer. I don’t go clubbing/partying/drinking, and I thought, "I really like to watch the TV show Angel" just didn’t sound cool! Oh, that reminds me of more of Chell’s latest advice: she tells me to go to the local over 23 club and have one drink - non alcoholic if I prefer - once or twice every couple of weeks to meet people. When she says that I wonder, "Does she even listen when I talk (well, write)? I’m saying that a good Christian man is one of my priorities and she’s sending me to the meat market?" I don’t think so.
 
That’s about it for now! (I know: "more than enough!") Talk to you later! God bless!
Anne