Chix Chat

From: Michele
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2001 11:38 PM
Subject: Fwd: Re: Hope this helps

I sent this e-mail to Erin after she broke up with her boyfriend.  I would like to share it with you.  Feel free to comment on it.

>
—————————————————-

Hi Erin,
>
 
>
Yes, Danielle told me about you and Mike. 
>I’m very sorry about what happened.  I’m
>flattered that you would want advice from me. 
>I’ll try the best I can, although its kinda difficult,
>being that I’ve never been in a relationship and
>all.  Its almost as if I’m an outsider, looking
>in (considering the game of love)  so my
>perspective on things might be different than someone
>who has been in your situation. 
>
 
>
First of all, I know you are hurting.  My
>instant reaction when Danille told me was, "If that
>was my boyfriend, I’d say see ya!  And I’d
>never look back."  I’m sure you are very pissed
>at him, but that doesn’t take away the hurt.  It
>isn’t so easy to let go!  I don’t know how long
>the two of you were together, but I’m sure at one
>point you probably thought, Maybe this is the
>one.  My mister right.  .  And
>then when things didn’t work out, it totally threw you
>for a loop.  You might be asking yourself, "how
>am I going to know if the next one will
>be the one?  How am I ever going to
>trust anyone again?"  I’m sure you don’t want to
>go through relationship after relationship before you
>meet Mr. Right.  People tell me "you don’t know
>what you’ll do when your’e in love."  I really
>believe it is possible to fall in love with your
>head as much as your heart.
>
 
>
First of all, you have to put yourself
>first.  I know this may sound incredibly selfish
>but think about it.  If you don’t look out for
>yourself, then who will?  Don’t give Mike (or any
>other man) the satisfaction of knowing that he
>has the power to make you happy or sad.  Danielle
>told me that he would "test" your love for him. 
>To me that shows that he is a very insecure person.
>Instead of playing all these mind games with you,
>he should have been working on your relationship,
>making it stronger.  You wanted to go forward,
>and it seemed like he wanted to go back.
>
 
>
Secondly, the whole "I don’t ever want to get
>married again" situation.  I’m sure your heart
>sunk when the two of you had that
>conversation.  You probably reasoned to
>youself  He’s just saying that because
>he was in a bad marraige and he’s scared. 
>Erin, I really don’t care if he was in a bad
>marraige or not.  I don’t see what that has to do
>with you.  You deserve a man who’s going to take
>you by the hand, look deeply into your eyes and say,
>"I love you.  And I want to spend the rest of my
>life with you.  I admit I’m scared. 
>I’ve been hurt before but I’m willing to risk my
>heart again."  You deserve a man who is going to
>respect you, treat you with dignity, and defend your
>honor.  You may not believe it, sometimes its
>difficult for me to believe it, but there are men like
>that out there. There is a mister right
>out there for you.
>
 
>
Its ok to get lonely sometimes. Even though I’m
>pretty content with my life,   I get
>very lonely sometimes.  I write page
>after page in my prayer journal asking, "Ok, God, why
>are you making me wait so long?  Have you
>forgotton about me? I want to fall in love so
>much.  All I want is to get married and have a
>family.  I don’t know if I can take this any
>more…."  But as lonely as I get,  I know
>the kind of man I want.  The kind of man I
>need, and so far I haven’t met such a
>man.  When I was younger, probably around you and
>Danielle’s age, I probably would have settled for
>second best.  Now that I’m older and (hopefully)
>wiser, I’m really not in a rush.  Don’t get me
>wrong.  I still long to meet someone, but only if
>he is my soul mate.
>
 
>
Think of all the relationships you were in,
>whether they were long or short, as learning
>expirences.  I’ve only been out once in my enitre
>life (Harry) and believe me, I’ve made so many
>mistakes reguarding that whole situation!  Thank
>God it didn’t develop into a true relationship,
>because we’d probably be broken up by now! 
>
>
 
>
The bottom line is this:  when a man wants
>to be with you, he will move mountains, bring water
>from the moon, catch every raindrop from the sky to be
>with you.  He will respect you and treat you like
>a lady.  He will defend your honor and he will
>want to bond with you ,and I’m not talking about
>wanting to get into your pants.  He will be
>interested in getting to know you and he will
>genuinely care about you.  Whatever his problems
>are or were (bad past relationships) doesn’t matter to
>him.  His love for you will overshadow
>that.   He will be the persuer, the leader
>in the relationship, but he wont use it to his
>advantange (ie- he wont boss you around)  He will
>lift you up and praise you.  Whenever you do
>meet someone new (and I know you will) you must
>have the highest standards in what you want in a
>relationship.  Think of it ths
>way:  Every man you go out with is a
>potential mate.  The second he does or says
>something that strikes you the wrong way, call
>him upon it.  Don’t ignore it.  Always trust
>your instincts.  If he continues it, the best
>thing to do is walk away.  I know it might be
>painful, but think how much you are hurting
>now.  You probably could have saved yourself a
>great deal of that pain if things would have ended the
>first time Mike "tested" your love for him. 
>When you are with a man who truly cares about you, you
>will be completely relaxed and content.
>
 
>
You might be thinking to yourself, " I can’t
>believe I wasted 2 (or whatever) years of my life with
>him.  I was such a fool …."  You can’t
>mourn over what happened in the past.  You can
>never go back, no matter how much you’d like to. So
>its ok to cry, to get angry, get all the negative
>feelings out of your system.  But don’t hold a
>vigil to Mike.  He isn’t worth
>it.  remember that "no man is worth your
>tears and the only one who is will never make you
>cry."
>
 
>
I really hope this has helped you.  Stay
>strong, sister!  I’m praying for you!
>
 
>
take care,

>
Michele