Chix Chat

From: Michele
Sent: Thursday, June 21, 2001 9:36 AM
Subject: I’m off work today! Whoo-hoo!

Hi Anne!
 
I really liked the comics you sent with your last e-mail.  That’s so cool how you can change the names and everything.  I just got a new Foxtrot book: Foxtrot En Masse.  I ordered it from amazon.com.  Have you ever ordered anything on-line before?  I used to be so scared to put my credit card number on -line but I figured, heck, everyone else does it and there’s never a problem.  I really like amazon.com.
 
To answer your question about why we’re hiring so many people at once its because we need people and there isn’t enough to start with.  Three girls recently quit- Anne, Selene and Carie (all valuable workers I might add).  Plus we need help now to start preparing for the holiday season (yes, that soon!)  Carla made it to work today (2 days!) and so did Shelly (4 days!)  Maybe these two will stay after all!
 
I know what you mean about always remembering the nasty customers.  I can wait on 99 nice people and 1 jerk, and its the jerk who sticks out in my mind.  Why do people have to be so nasty?  Don’t they understand that the nicer you are to someone, the more they go out of their way to help you?  I go out of my way to help people who are nice to me.  And for all the crabasses I don’t even want to give them the time of day!
 
I like your list of what you want in a man.  Here is my perfect man.  First of all, he is a Christian.  He is a commanding, manly man who ges after what he wants, but he isn’t abusive.  He’ll have dark, intense eyes and dark hair (or maybe bald).  He will be brimming with goodness and yet have the potential to be wicked.  He will be a hard worker, but his priorities will be straight.  He will be strong yet vulnerable.  An accent is a plus.  His voice will be deep and sexy.  He will probably be at least ten years older than I.  He will be the leader in the relationship, both spiritually and sexually (after we are married). Confidence and a sense a humor are huge plusses.  Respect is required.  He will be a man who will go to the ends of the earth for me.  Sigh.  Is that too much to ask?  If  I could find someone with five or six qualities on my list, I’ll consider myself  lucky!
 
Ray has four kids?!  Holy crap! Well, Harry has three: 18, 14 and 12.  I met them and they’re really nice girls.  And for a brief instant in time I thought I could possibly, one day be their stepmother.  Now, even though I don’t have a problem with them, I just don’t want to deal with it all, you know?  Maybe if I met a man who had one kid, and he/she was younger, it wouldn’t be so bad.  In a perfect world my future husband would be a virgin too, but I’m facing reality here and if I want to marry someone older than me, I have a better chance of winning the lottery than marrying a  virgin.  The best I can can hope for is maybe meeting a man who only slept with his wife and five (or how many)years ago she passed away and he hasn’t been with anyone else- until me.  That too is far fetched, but I honestly don’t think God wants me to save myself for someone who’s slept with everything in a skirt.  That wouldn’t be fair.  I think about my future husband: "I’m saving myself for you.  Why shouldn’t you save yourself for me?  Don’t you love me enough to keep it in your pants until God blesses our union?"  I do pray for my future husband.  Every day.  I pray that he stays strong in his convictions and keeps close to God, just as I strive to do every day.
 
Yes, being a virgin is a choice.  You’re right.  I could give up my virginity any day, but a non-virgin can never reclaim her physical virginity.  Anne, you and I and Sara aren’t the only ones.  Danielle’s still a virgin too.  I’m sure there are a lot of other people who are virgins too.  Attractive people.  There’s an actress on Days Of Our Lives: Gillian Norris.  She’s a virgin.  And she’s beautiful.  Inside and out.  I also read somewhere that Lisa Kudrow was a virgin when she got married (at 31), and she’s attractive.  I’m sure there are a lot more virgins out there who are good looking.  Anne, don’t be so hard on yourself about "messing around" with those guys.  Everyone makes mistakes.  Nobody is perfect! Some days you fly, other days you fall.  The trick is that on the days you fall,  you just pick yourself up, ask God’s forgiveness and continue with your head held high.  I never "messed around" (heck, that kiss with Harry was as far as i’ve ever got!) but I sometimes felt guilty when I flirted (knowingly) with married men (produce Bob wasn’t the only one) and sometimes I feel guiltily about the intense sexual fantasies I can sometimes have.  I know I’m not perfect.  And God knows I’m not perfect.  And I know I’m not going to have pure thoughts 24 hours a day.  Its simply impossible.  God made us to be sexual creatures.  I think "God, I want to wait until I’m married.  Isn’t that enough?  Must I be virginal in every aspect?"  As long as my fantasies don’t cross over into reality, I try not to feel so guilty about having them.
 
Let me change the subject a bit here and ask  for your opinion about something.  Ok, my cousin, Kristen (she’s a year younger than me) is married.  She got married back in December 1999.  Anyway, I don’t know exactly what kind of job she has, but every five minutes she’s traveling somewhere for business trips.  Right now she’s in Nice, France and not even a few months ago she was in New Orleans.  Mind you, she goes on these trips without her husband.  I don’t know about you, but I find that odd.  I mean, they haven’t been married for two years yet.  I know if it was me, I would want to spend as much time as I could with my husband.  I know you might say "Well, maybe she has to travel."  But what’s more important? Your job?  or your marriage?  And Kristen is a beautiful girl and she ’s built nice.  I’m sure on these trips men hit on her.  Will she be strong enough to avoid temptation?  And isn’t she worried about leaving Keith(that’s her husband) alone all the time?  I mean a man has needs (if you know what I mean) and how can he fulfill those needs if his wife is away every five minutes?  I don’t know, the marriage just seems so strange anyway.  And when she isn’t off on business trips, she’s always spending time with her friends.  The whole wedding was surreal too.  It was a beautiful ceremony, but it was so cold, almost like it was all for show.  And I very rarely saw Kristen and Keith together the whole night. He was with his friends and she was with hers.  It was almost as if it was a grade school dance where the boys are on one side of the room and the girls on the other.  I know Kristen desperately wanted to get married (she and Keith dated almost four years and she pestered him about it) but what I think she really wanted was a wedding and not a marriage.  Not me.  I really don’t care about having a big wedding ceremony.  I just want something simple.  Sometimes I wonder if I’ll elope.  Then after me and my husband get settled, we can throw a party.  Did you ever see Braveheart?  If you have I’m sure you remember the part where William Wallace (Mel Gibson) runs off and secretly marries his sweetheart (I can’t recall her name).  I thought that was so romantic.  I don’t want to sound pessimistic and I only wish the best for my cousin, but unless there are some huge changes, I honestly don’t see the marriage lasting.
 
Its really easy to talk to you too, Anne.  Its so uncanny how you and I are so much alike in so many aspects.  I truly think God has brought us together.  Until next time, take care and God bless!
 
Michele

From: Michele
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2001 6:20 PM
Subject: Its all about moi!

Hi Anne!
 
Thought it would be fun to send this to you.  If you would like to forward it back to me and change the answers, that be great.  Happy Reading!
 
*Full name- Michele ***** *****(this is optional for you!)
*dob- May 19, 1973
*siblings- 1 sister, Danielle
*jobs I’ve had- 1993-1994 ***** Laundromat & Video Store, 1994-1999 ***** Foodland, 1999-present *****.
*Dream Job- Writer
*Dream Vacation- Ireland
*First celebrity crush- Michael J Fox
*favorite color- emerald green
*last movie seen in theatre- The Mummy Returns
*cd currently in cd player- Enigma "The Screen Behind The Mirror"
*favorite candy bar- reeses peanut butter cup (I love anything peanut butter/chocolate)
*favorite ice cream flavor- Baskin Robins mint chocolate chip
*favorite name for a girl- Isabella Danielle
*favorite name for a boy- Matthew Jamie
*If money wasn’t an option and you were married, how many children would you like to have?- three
*early bird or night owl? night owl
*book you are currently reading- Foxtrot comics!
*favorite comic strip- Foxtrot!
*favorite Saturday morning cartoon- The Real Ghostbusters
*character from any 80’s sitcom that you would most like to be friends with- Jo from the Facts Of Life
*favorite season- fall
*favorite month(s)- May (my birthday), October (fall, Halloween), December (Christmas)
*do you collect anything?  Yes, angels and Boyds (www.BoydsStuff.com).
*three words to describe yourself- Passionate, quiet, stubborn
*if you could lose your virginity to ANYONE, who would it be? ARNOLD VOSLOO (hands off, he’s mine )
*something about yourself you’d like to change- I’m the worlds worst (or is it best?) procrastinator.
*Favorite movie- Ok, I have about a hundred of them, but if I had to choose just one it would be Sleepless In Seattle
*Favorite tv show- again I have a huge list but Touched By An Angel would probably be my first choice
*least favorite food- sauerkraut. Oh! and celerey.  BLECH!
*favorite foods- shrimp cocktail, spinich and black olives and that whole peanut butter/ chocolate combo.
*favorite board game- trivial prusuit
*do you resemble anyone famous? No
*would you shave your head for a million dollars? Yes
*would you give up tv for a year for a million dollars? yes
*would you not shave under your arms or your legs for a year for a million dollars? It would be gross, but I think I could do it.
*would you run naked down a relatively busy street for a million dollars? NOOOOOOOO!
*Ok, lets say you got that million dollars. What would you do with it?  Save some, give some to charity (St Jude’s, Make A Wish, The  Komen Foundation), travel, and just enjoy myself!
*would you sleep with Arnold Vosloo for a million dollars?  I’d sleep with him for free!
*one person you tell all your secrets to- Danielle
*do you keep a diary/journal? Yes, since I was 12.
*favorite comedian- Jeff Foxworthy
*last concert you went to- Eileen Ivers (March 2001)
*dream concert- Loreena Mckennitt, Connie Dover and/or Enigma
*would you rather be married for 50 years to a nice man but theres no real passion or married only 20 years to the love of your life, but he suddenly passes away?  The love of my life.
*favorite purfume- anything musk (esp Jovan white musk)
*You can become invisible for a day.  Where do you go?  Back to my old neighborhood (I would esp try to track down Chaz), my work to see if anyone was talking about me, Arnold Vosloo’s shower stall while he was taking a shower! (I’m so bad!)
*Would you call a guy you had a huge crush on and tell him you loved him for a million dollars? I’d feel awfully stupid, but yeah.
*Is there a day (or week or month or year) you would like to live over again?  The year 1993.  I just had the funnest summer that year.
*Is there a day (or week or month or year) you would just like to forget? The whole Harry situation.  Also when $1000 was stolen from the safe at work last year! (its a long story!)
*are you lefthanded or right handed?- right handed
*would you be more upset if your boyfriend had a meaningless one night stand with a stranger or a passionate kiss with your close friend?- The kiss.
*Someone invites you to a party and wants to fix you up.  Do you want to know about it ahead of time? NO
*Do you perfer a bald man or a man with long hair?  Bald
*would you date a man who was younger than you, but he looked and acted like he was five years older than you? Yes
 
 
Thats all I can think of for now.  If I have more, I’ll send them to you!
 
Michele

From: Anne
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2001 3:56 PM
Subject: Thanks for stopping by!

Hello, Michele!
 
Happy mid-week! I hope that you’re having a good one so far!
 
Y’all are really on a hiring spree there! Is that a big and/or really busy store, or do you just need people because you don’t have enough to start with? (Or is it a combination of both?)Are all of the new people doing okay? Here at work, one of my bosses is going to India (where she is originally from) for five weeks. (I’m pausing here to do the Dance of Joy.)
 
Thanks for checking out my web site! I am trying to put interesting things on it (no, really, I am!) but few people send feedback of any kind! Thanks especially for reading the service page - I know it’s kinda long. I waited tables for about six years and during that time I would venture to say that at least one person was rude every day that I worked! I honestly believe that some bored and sadistic individuals would come to the restaurant only to be mean and boss the waitress around! Every customer wasn’t like that, but the mean ones really stick out it my mind. I did NOT like that job, but again it must have been God’s plan for me to be there. I’m so glad that I’m not there anymore and that is an understatement!
 
I know that it’s not just servers that have SERVICE! stories. Did you see what my boss said about my hair after my new perm? (How could it be anything but an insult?) If you have any stories that I could post, send them along!
 
I love FoxTrot! I know a guy that reminds me of Jason Fox - my friend’s name is Jason too. He wears glasses just like the comic guy, and is just about as funny! I also like the comic "Heart of the City" which I hadn’t seen until I found that site (the one without Dilbert). There is a cool way to edit those cartoons: I save the picture on my computer and open it in Paint. I’ve played around with this (a lot) and can change what they say - I’m sending you some old examples. It helps to work in Large mode: you can cut, copy and paste the text and move the letters around. It’s a fun project if you have time!
 
Re: meeting Steven Curtis Chapman - he was so nice! He had his lovely wife with him: drag. Like you said, WHERE is the guy like that for me?
 
Talking about lists of wants in men, this is what I have in mind: Christian, good career, non-smoker, non-drinker, non-druggie, no kids, no ex-wife, (no current wife!), tall, manly, smart, confident, funny, nice, and models underwear for Calvin Klein. Is that too much to ask? (LOL … twice!) Seriously, you said that I shouldn’t rule people out. I guess that’s true, but this list is kind of my starting point. I heard somewhere that everyone has a "type" until they fall in love with someone that’s just the opposite. That’s probably true - it goes back to trying to do things our own way instead of God’s way. I might say, "I want a Calvin Klein underwear model," and I might miss the perfect Darrell-type guy who just happened to not model underwear for CK. That’s a - ridiculous - example, but I guess you see my point. Still, I think it’s good to have an idea of what you want, and to know which qualities are non-negotiable!
 
Let’s see, the last time Ray called he was at a motel - he said he’d been living there for a few months. But right before he disappeared and I left The Message, he’d been living with her and the kids for months. He didn’t even tell me about it for a while. As I said, at that point it was just another log in a huge pile of crap. (How’s that for imagery? Pretty accurate I’d say!) He said there was nothing going on. Well, he also said that he would give up smoking and pot, and he said that he "occasionally" drank and "not that much" … Liar, Liar, pants on fire!! To answer your questions, he is 38, and his kids are 18, 16, 13, and 10, if I remember correctly. Yep - teenagers. (Shudder! Cringe! Hurl!) His oldest just graduated. When he called last he said she had asked if she should send me an invitation to her graduation. I’m glad she didn’t! Have I mentioned lately that I am so glad to be out of that mess? PRAISE THE LORD!
 
I got your email to Erin. There was a lot of truth in it! Sometimes I briefly regret the time I wasted with Ray, especially when I beat myself up because I should have known better!! But, I have to believe that it’s part of God’s plan.
 
I know exactly what you mean about the sexual Christian / sexual virgin issues. (Talk about an oxymoron!) It’s a tricky subject to say the least. I am a virgin too (I thought that my sister and I were the last ones!) and like you said, I’m proud of it! I mean being a virgin is a choice that we make; we *could* be out there doing everyone under the sun but I’m sure that wouldn’t be what we needed. And I know what you mean - I don’t want people to think I’m some naive/holier-than-thou prude. That also irks me: when people hear that you’re a virgin, they think, "What’s wrong with her?" Nothing’s wrong! We just have standards. I heard a good thought on that, which a virgin could say to a non-virgin: "I could become like you any day, but you can never become like me." You know it’s true!
 
I will confess that I’m very deeply ashamed to say that I’ve "messed around" with too many losers. I don’t even know why! Especially when I had no intention of having sex - talk about a mixed message! Straddling the fence (pardon the phrasing) is another sure way to be unhappy - either be good or "bad," but you can’t be both! This is why I think it’s important for Christians to date Christian men with similar values. These days, I really try to look at being single as a blessing: I’d much rather be alone than be with the wrong one!! I try to remember that God has a perfect plan and it will happen at the right time, so I don’t have to worry about it! I can be happy in the mean time and when it happens, I can be happy then too!
 
Let me climb off of my soap box. I’m mainly talking to myself - I’m pretty hard on myself for behaving so stupidly! I’ve thought before that I can chalk my past experiences up to something that I must have had to learn the hard way. To be sure, now I am definitely resolved to be good: that’s really all I can do since I can’t change the past! Sometimes still when I think of those "bad" times my hand instinctly covers my face in shame. Do you know what I mean? If you don’t, you should praise the Lord! I mentioned that my sister was jealous of guys asking me out: what’s to envy about wasting time dating a gaggle of guys not one of whom was right for me? I guess that’s the whole grass-is-greener philosophy again!
 
It is really easy to write to you! I start off thinking, "I’ll just jot down a few thoughts that I want to include," and before I know it I’ve rambled on about myself usually - sorry! - for many paragraphs. I hope that you, like me, are fascinated with other people’s lives! Plus it’s so nice to talk to someone who actually seems to listen: I sincerely appreciate that, Michele!
 
That’s about it for now. Talk to you later! God bless!
Anne

From: Michele
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2001 11:38 PM
Subject: Fwd: Re: Hope this helps

I sent this e-mail to Erin after she broke up with her boyfriend.  I would like to share it with you.  Feel free to comment on it.

>
—————————————————-

Hi Erin,
>
 
>
Yes, Danielle told me about you and Mike. 
>I’m very sorry about what happened.  I’m
>flattered that you would want advice from me. 
>I’ll try the best I can, although its kinda difficult,
>being that I’ve never been in a relationship and
>all.  Its almost as if I’m an outsider, looking
>in (considering the game of love)  so my
>perspective on things might be different than someone
>who has been in your situation. 
>
 
>
First of all, I know you are hurting.  My
>instant reaction when Danille told me was, "If that
>was my boyfriend, I’d say see ya!  And I’d
>never look back."  I’m sure you are very pissed
>at him, but that doesn’t take away the hurt.  It
>isn’t so easy to let go!  I don’t know how long
>the two of you were together, but I’m sure at one
>point you probably thought, Maybe this is the
>one.  My mister right.  .  And
>then when things didn’t work out, it totally threw you
>for a loop.  You might be asking yourself, "how
>am I going to know if the next one will
>be the one?  How am I ever going to
>trust anyone again?"  I’m sure you don’t want to
>go through relationship after relationship before you
>meet Mr. Right.  People tell me "you don’t know
>what you’ll do when your’e in love."  I really
>believe it is possible to fall in love with your
>head as much as your heart.
>
 
>
First of all, you have to put yourself
>first.  I know this may sound incredibly selfish
>but think about it.  If you don’t look out for
>yourself, then who will?  Don’t give Mike (or any
>other man) the satisfaction of knowing that he
>has the power to make you happy or sad.  Danielle
>told me that he would "test" your love for him. 
>To me that shows that he is a very insecure person.
>Instead of playing all these mind games with you,
>he should have been working on your relationship,
>making it stronger.  You wanted to go forward,
>and it seemed like he wanted to go back.
>
 
>
Secondly, the whole "I don’t ever want to get
>married again" situation.  I’m sure your heart
>sunk when the two of you had that
>conversation.  You probably reasoned to
>youself  He’s just saying that because
>he was in a bad marraige and he’s scared. 
>Erin, I really don’t care if he was in a bad
>marraige or not.  I don’t see what that has to do
>with you.  You deserve a man who’s going to take
>you by the hand, look deeply into your eyes and say,
>"I love you.  And I want to spend the rest of my
>life with you.  I admit I’m scared. 
>I’ve been hurt before but I’m willing to risk my
>heart again."  You deserve a man who is going to
>respect you, treat you with dignity, and defend your
>honor.  You may not believe it, sometimes its
>difficult for me to believe it, but there are men like
>that out there. There is a mister right
>out there for you.
>
 
>
Its ok to get lonely sometimes. Even though I’m
>pretty content with my life,   I get
>very lonely sometimes.  I write page
>after page in my prayer journal asking, "Ok, God, why
>are you making me wait so long?  Have you
>forgotton about me? I want to fall in love so
>much.  All I want is to get married and have a
>family.  I don’t know if I can take this any
>more…."  But as lonely as I get,  I know
>the kind of man I want.  The kind of man I
>need, and so far I haven’t met such a
>man.  When I was younger, probably around you and
>Danielle’s age, I probably would have settled for
>second best.  Now that I’m older and (hopefully)
>wiser, I’m really not in a rush.  Don’t get me
>wrong.  I still long to meet someone, but only if
>he is my soul mate.
>
 
>
Think of all the relationships you were in,
>whether they were long or short, as learning
>expirences.  I’ve only been out once in my enitre
>life (Harry) and believe me, I’ve made so many
>mistakes reguarding that whole situation!  Thank
>God it didn’t develop into a true relationship,
>because we’d probably be broken up by now! 
>
>
 
>
The bottom line is this:  when a man wants
>to be with you, he will move mountains, bring water
>from the moon, catch every raindrop from the sky to be
>with you.  He will respect you and treat you like
>a lady.  He will defend your honor and he will
>want to bond with you ,and I’m not talking about
>wanting to get into your pants.  He will be
>interested in getting to know you and he will
>genuinely care about you.  Whatever his problems
>are or were (bad past relationships) doesn’t matter to
>him.  His love for you will overshadow
>that.   He will be the persuer, the leader
>in the relationship, but he wont use it to his
>advantange (ie- he wont boss you around)  He will
>lift you up and praise you.  Whenever you do
>meet someone new (and I know you will) you must
>have the highest standards in what you want in a
>relationship.  Think of it ths
>way:  Every man you go out with is a
>potential mate.  The second he does or says
>something that strikes you the wrong way, call
>him upon it.  Don’t ignore it.  Always trust
>your instincts.  If he continues it, the best
>thing to do is walk away.  I know it might be
>painful, but think how much you are hurting
>now.  You probably could have saved yourself a
>great deal of that pain if things would have ended the
>first time Mike "tested" your love for him. 
>When you are with a man who truly cares about you, you
>will be completely relaxed and content.
>
 
>
You might be thinking to yourself, " I can’t
>believe I wasted 2 (or whatever) years of my life with
>him.  I was such a fool …."  You can’t
>mourn over what happened in the past.  You can
>never go back, no matter how much you’d like to. So
>its ok to cry, to get angry, get all the negative
>feelings out of your system.  But don’t hold a
>vigil to Mike.  He isn’t worth
>it.  remember that "no man is worth your
>tears and the only one who is will never make you
>cry."
>
 
>
I really hope this has helped you.  Stay
>strong, sister!  I’m praying for you!
>
 
>
take care,

>
Michele

From: Michele
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2001 11:09 PM
Subject: I like your website

Hi Anne!
 
I went onto your website today.  I checked it out before, but not extensively.  I stayed and browsed for awhile.  I read your "service" page.  Good lord, the crap you had to put up with!  I think my "favorite" story is the one where that party of 14 tipped you $1!  Inconsiderate ogres!  I know how the cashier/waitress feels so when I’m the customer, I am always friendly to the person waiting on me and if I eat out, I always tip generously!  I liked the links page.  THe comics were my favorite.  My current favorite comic is Foxtrot.  I have several Foxtrot books.  It just cracks me up!  I thought it was so cool that you met Steven Curtis Chapman!  I saw him in concert a few years back.  At one point he was talking about his wife and kids and the love he has for them and I thought "God, where is a man like that for me?"  A man whose priorities are straight- God first, then wife, then children, then rest of family, then job, then hobbies or what have you.  And I don’t mean a "crazy christian".  You know, those kind of people who stand on the streets and spout the Bible and who don’t do anything for themselves. I’m talking about attractive, Michael W Smith, Steven Curtis Chapman, Carman type Christians.  Ok, I know I’m rambling on here so I’ll shut up!
 
Yes, Shelly’s still here!  Three days!  Whoo-hoo!  The new girl started today.  Carla.  She seems really nice and she caught on quick.  A good sign.  Nora also hired another girl- Shawn.  she starts tomorrow.  Hope she works out too.
 
No you didn’t tell me your ex (Ray, right?) moved back in with his ex-wife.  Was this before or after he called the last time?  What nerve.  Oh sure nothing is going on.  Total b.s.  How old is Ray?  What about his kids?  I know you said that No Kids and never been married are on your high priority list, but don’t keep your mind closed to those options.  You might meet a wonderful Christian man who just happens to be a single father and he and his children will grow to love you dearly and vice versa.  Don’t let one bad situation scare you from what might be Gods plan.  Chell was right at the fact you should have broken the relationship sooner.  The longer you wait, the more difficult letting go is.  I’m glad you didn’t have sex with Ray- it would have made the situation much more complicated!  I mean, I felt like dirt after the whole Harry situation and here we didn’t even do anything!  Could you imagine how much more crappy I would have felt if I would have slept with him?  Ugh, I don’t even want to think about it.  Believe me, that possibly could not have happened when we went out.  I am no way a "seducer" and as I said before, Harry isn’t a sexual person.  The more comfortable a man is with his sexuality, the more I am.  NOt that I’ll have sex!  Take Chaz.  Sometimes when he would come in the store, he would go up to me and put his arm around my shoulder and play with my hair.  I liked it!  IT was easy for me to flirt with him.  I didn’t feel stupid doing it.  I felt safe because I knew he thought I was pretty.  He even kissed me on the cheek one time! (its a long story!)  In a perfect world, Chaz would have been a Christian and he would have wanted me and only me.  In a perfect world, Harry wouldn’t have had so many problems and he would have desired me and only me.  I guess I want someone who’s kinda in between.  A man who respects and is God fearing like Harry and who desires me and is comfortable with his sexuality the way Chaz is. 
 
Speaking of which … I’ve often wondered, could you be a sexual Christian?  Or better yet, a sexual virgin?  When I worked at the grocery store I would sometimes say these wicked comments and the one girl I worked with would always act so shocked and offended, meanwhile she was going out and doing the exact things I was talking about!  I’m a virgin, I’m proud of being a virgin, and yet I  don’t want people to think I’m this sweet and innocent angel.  "Oh, poor Michele.  She’d probably die if she saw a man naked."  I just bet!  The only reason I would "die" is the fact I would need help from God and all His angels to keep me from putting that naked man to use!  (could you imagine ARNOLD VOSLOO!?  Drool).  The whole issue of sex confuses me, I mean part of me is scared to death of it, and yet the other part of me is fascinated by it.  I ‘m hoping my fear is Gods way of protecting me and when I finally do get married, it will be so right I won’t even think about being scared.  I’d appreciate any advice you may have about this.
 
I don’t go partying either.  I mean, what’s the point?  I remember when I was in high school and on Mondays my classmates would be talking about their wild weekend parties.  Who got drunk, who slept with who …. whatever.  I just thought everyone sounded like idiots.  You’re absolutely right that bars are meat markets.  Very rarely do you meet a man with potential in a bar.  My cousin is a rare exception.  She went to a bar once with friends (she usually didn’t) and she met her husband there (he just happened to be there with his friends).  They’ve been married for over ten years.  But like I said, that’s a rare exception.
 
Anne, I know this might be hard to believe, sometimes I find it hard to believe but our soul mates are out there somewhere!  We just have to trust in GOd’s perfect timing!
 
On that positive note, I’ll say bye for now!
 
Michele

From: Anne
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2001 11:18 AM
Subject: I thought it was Voo-slew …

Hello, Michele!
 
I figured that y’all would have a busy weekend rush for Father’s Day. I used to wait tables: I *know* about difficult to maintain a Christ-like attitude! People can be so blazingly rude!! (Warning: shameless self promotion follows:) I have posted stories from my time in the trenches on my webpage!
 
Are Shelly and New Girl still at work?
 
WOW! 1000 cds and tapes!! I have about 2 cd’s but I have several tapes - nowhere near 1000 - maybe fifty! I like a wide range of songs too. I want to get the video for No Strings Attached. For a brief while, I was obsessed with NSYNC, particularly with JC. I found a website (rollingstone.com) where I could watch videos - at the time they had two NSYNC ones and one was Bye Bye Bye. I would listen to that song over and over on the Net although the video was less than high quality. This was when it was about to end with what’s his name - I was referring to him as "my soon-to-be ex." I need to check that site again and see if there are any new videos!
 
I mentioned to someone this weekend (who had asked about my love life) that my ex had tried to call and I turned him down. She was very encouraging - as everyone has been - and said, "Good for you! You deserve better." She and I had chatted about him before a little; I’m really surprised she remembered. I didn’t tell her that much, just how he never called when he said he would and that he frequently stood me up. Then again, most people don’t know as much about him as you do! Don’t you feel special? I sure didn’t tell my family that he smoked pot - I don’t want them to lose any more respect for me! Did I tell you that after he lost his apartment (couldn’t pay for it!) he moved back in with his ex-wife? He insisted there was nothing going on, and I guess I believed that. (At that point, our so-called relationship was dying anyway, so I had bigger worries about us.) The more I think about it, the more flabbergasted that I am that he was not *ashamed* to call me!
 
I said before that I was a little sad, believe me that didn’t last long when I started thinking about the bad times. Like the time we were at WalMart with his kids and he got mad at me because I didn’t chat with them like he thought I should. (He would often be peeved about that: I’m serious!) Hey, I’m a pretty quiet person too, ESPECIALLY when the present company won’t respond to my initial chatting efforts. This particular time at WalMart he started giving me the artic-cold shoulder and I finally just left and he said an artic-cold, "bye." I was so mad that day! I always said that he wanted a combination of Mrs. Brady and Debbie Does Dallas! Those darn kids! What a mess! I WAS SO UNHAPPY WITH HIM! Thanks to that situation, "NO KIDS" is very high on my priority-in-a-man list, with "NEVER MARRIED" a close second.
 
Usually I can’t even be too angry at him, because I knew how he was, and I didn’t break it off. Chell was right about one thing: she told me back when I was really having doubts about us - about a year ago - that I should break it off and save myself heartache in the long run. Hindsight’s 20/20, and I absolutely should have done that! Instead of cutting my losses, it ended slowly and painfully with me wondering why he didn’t call for weeks at a time. Then when I had *finally* accepted that it was over, he would call again and I’d be like, "Okay, we can hang out," and the whole cycle would repeat AGAIN! I’d sit and rant about it to Sara, and I’d write pages in my journals trying to decide the "right" thing to do. Oh, Michele, it was such a mess! I’d like to point out here that he and I never had sex, and I am so glad!! (I don’t think my mother believes that.) We…um … messed around (no details!) and I regret that enough; I’d be truly mental and beyond bitter if we’d "gone all the way" and then he did like he did. When he called the last time some hotel showed up on the caller ID; mom said that he probably expected me to go running down there. I am so embarrassed that she said that; I’m too embarrassed to even try to explain!
 
It’s mean, but I like the thought that I hurt him. Heck, thanks to the drinking and the pot, he’s probably forgotten about it by now, but I’d have liked to see his face when I said, "No. I don’t want to find myself in a situation like that ever again." He probably thought, "it wasn’t *that* bad." He was like, "we can just hang out as friends." We don’t have enough in common to be friends! I told him, "You know, I treat people that I don’t like all that much better than you treated me." Writing all of this, I’m getting fired up! I want to see him and yell at him some more!!!!! What’s the point though? (see next paragraph)
 
But, it’s like I always say, everything is according to God’s plan. There must have been something that I had to learn - and learn the hard way! Looking back, I see that things were so difficult for us because it wasn’t "meant to be" and we were trying to make it be something that it wasn’t. You wouldn’t know it from my rambling, but I really don’t think about him that much anymore. That’s in the past and no anger or regret now will change it.
 
You should definitely be glad for only one date with Harry!
 
I said that Sara likes to stay home: don’t get me wrong, I like to be at home too! Lately I find myself really liking my family and wanting to be around them. That chatty guy at the inventory place (who asked if I have a boyfriend/husband) asked what I do for fun. I do have fun, but I wasn’t sure how to answer. I don’t go clubbing/partying/drinking, and I thought, "I really like to watch the TV show Angel" just didn’t sound cool! Oh, that reminds me of more of Chell’s latest advice: she tells me to go to the local over 23 club and have one drink - non alcoholic if I prefer - once or twice every couple of weeks to meet people. When she says that I wonder, "Does she even listen when I talk (well, write)? I’m saying that a good Christian man is one of my priorities and she’s sending me to the meat market?" I don’t think so.
 
That’s about it for now! (I know: "more than enough!") Talk to you later! God bless!
Anne

From: Michele
Sent: Monday, June 18, 2001 4:46 PM
Subject: from the desk of Mrs Arnold Vosloo (tee-hee)

Hi Anne!
 
Hope you had a good weekend.  Mine was hectic!  Why do people wait until the last possible minute to buy things?  Well, first of all someone called off sick on saturday so it was just me and Wendy on Saturday night.  Nora worked 8-7, God bless her!  She was sick too.  Had really bad cramps.  I know how that feels.  Anyway, of course after she left we got slammed.  Neither one of us had a chance to straighten the Father’s day cards.  When the night was over, they were a mess.  we have a .99 cents Father’s Day cards section.  Anyway, this lady was arguing with Wendy that since there were $2.99 and $3.99 cards in that section, she should be able to buy them for .99 too.  No, dumbass!  Obviously some moron didn’t want those cards and just shoved them in the sale section.  People can be so stupid and inconsiderate sometimes.  It is so difficult for me to have a "Christ-like attitude" all the time.  Jeepers Crow, I think even God thinks "What a dumbass!" about some people
 
I love the song Bye Bye Bye!  I have the cd No Strings Attached.  I just bought it for that song, but the rest of the cd is pretty cool.
 
I have probably over 1,000 cds and tapes!  Chances are, if you mention it, I have it!  I’m pretty diverse when it comes to my tastes in music.  Right now my big thing is Enigma.  If you don’t know, Enigma isn’t a group, its a "project" and Michael Cretu is the mastermind behind it.  I suppose its new age, but its really in a catagory all its own.  I always say that Celtic music is my heart, Christian music is my soul, classic rock is my spirt, 80’s music is my nostolgic side, country music is my fun, playful side, and Enigma is my dark, sensual side.  I even signed the enigmamusic.com guest book.  I think I saved it in my hotmail.  If I did, I’ll forward it to you.
 
Yes, Cantus is a very powerful song.  I rememberd the first time I listened to it.  I began to weep with emotion.  That song truly changed my life in so many ways, the most profound being that it deepened my relationship with God.
 
Yes, Shelly’s still here!  Three whole days! Will she last the week?  Stay tuned …. Nora hired a new girl.  I forgot what her name is.  I think she starts tomorrow.  Lets hope she lasts too!
 
Oh, I think confidence in a man is sexy too!  Not arrogance, mind you, but confidence!  I know whoever my future husband is, he will have the confidence to approach me first.  There is nothing more unsexy that a man who looks at a woman and thinks ‘Oh!  She is so pretty!  I would love to go over there and strike up a conversation with her, but what’s the use?  She probably has a boyfriend.  She probably wouln’t give me the time of day.  She probably … (insert lame excuse here).  I don’t even want to know how many attractive men might of thought that about me.  I don’t want to be depressed!  Of course all the geeks have the confidence to hit on me! (yuck!)
 
Well, since I told you about Chaz and TJ and Bob, I might as well tell you about Harry.  He was the guy I went out with.  One date.  Ok, let me back up here a little bit.  My dad and Harry’s dad are really good friends.  Harry’s parents own this little variety store in our neighborhood. So I met Harry from going into the store.  I thought Harry wasn’t a bad looking guy, but it didn’t go past that.  I knew he had a lot of problems (drugs, a crazy ex-wife, three kids) and I really didn’t want to deal with them.  I would go over there and he would look at me like he was in love with me or something. Uh-Oh!  He was clean by then, but I didn’t know for how long.  So this went on for a few months.  Finally he mentioned to my mom that he would like to ask me out, but he didn’t have a car at the time. (he had his license revoked at the time.  I think it was part of his drug probation).  This was in October and he wouldn’t get his license back until January.  So he mentioned it to me- us going out in January, and I said sure.  I was so excited that finally a man who I was attracted to seemed interested in me.  And Harry was very sweet and easy to talk to.  He assured me that he was clean and he would "never go back" on drugs.  As the days passed, I became more excited and excited.  However, in the midst of my excitement, something just didn’t feel right.  I would go over to the store (Harry worked there) and I could just feel that Harry didn’t want me around.  I tried to talk myself out of it ‘Michele, you’re being silly.  You’re just nervous because you’ve never been in a relationship before’.  I should have trusted my instincts.  Anyway, Harry would constantly mention our impending date but he was acting almost as if it were an obligaiton.  I thought ‘well, if you don’t want to take me out, then why did you ask me in the first place?’  Finally we did go out and while we did have a nice time, it was really nothing to write home about.  He did all the right things (i.e. opening doors for me and paying for everything) but he didn’t want me.  He kissed me good night, but that was it.  He didn’t take my hand or put his arm around my waist or anything.  Sure he respected me, but even a man who respects wants to touch, to kiss … you know.  There’s just this unspoken chemistry between two people who are passionately attracted to each other and that just wasn’t there.  THats another thing I want and need in a man: someone who is confidant in his sexuality.  I want a man to want me with his entire being, but will respect me.  Chaz was like that in a way.  There is absolutly nothing sexual about Harry.  I just cannot imagine him being this wonderful lover.  I’m surprised he has three kids- so I guess he’s must of had sex in his life.  I’m so awful, aren’t I?  There is so much more to this Harry situation, but you get the basic jist of it.  By the way, he did go back on drugs.  So I should be grateful that it didn’t go past that first date.  Looking back, all I can say is "What was I thinking?"
 
Anne, if you don’t want to tell me your first name, thats perfectly all right with me.  I respect your wishes.  But I just wanted to let you know that I PROMISE I wouldn’t make fun of you if you did tell me.  I know your name starts with *, right?  Is is *****?  you don’t have to tell me! 
 
Its so uncanny how you say that Sara likes to stay at home.  I’m like that.  I’m a homebody.  I know I should go out more often, but sometimes I feel like people won’t accept me.  I suffered from really bad anxiety attacks when I was in my late teens and while I don’t anymore, I still get uneasy at times.  I get so angry at myself because I don’t want to "miss out" on life and yet I’m constantly afraid to do things!  I’ve come a long way since that time in my life, but I’m not yet at a place in my life where I truly want to be.
 
Glad you liked the Arnold Vosloo postcards.  He is so f*$^ing beautiful!  Now when I see Harry I want to say to him (as I look him up and down) "No, you aint no Arnold Vosloo!)  By the way its pronounced Vos-lew.  I didn’t know that until very recently.
 
Well, thats it for now.  See ya soon!  Take care and God bless!
 
Michele

From: Anne
Sent: Monday, June 18, 2001 11:41 AM
Subject: From the desk of Mrs. David Boreanaz

Hello, Michele!
 
As I was driving to work this morning, I was looking at myself in the mirror, feeling pretty. I like this outfit (will take pictures!) and the most empowering song came on: "Bye Bye Bye" by NSync. I thought, "Oh yes, this will be a good day!"
 
How was your weekend - did your dad have a good Father’s Day? Here it was hot and I had to work both days. Oh well, that gets me closer to having a computer at home. (I can’t wait!) Health-wise, I’m pretty much over my sinus business except that my left ear has been stopped up for many days. I really hope it’s due to sinuses and nothing more serious. My mother assures me that her ear did the same way a few weeks ago when she had the sinus business.
 
I read the words to "Cantus" - very powerful! Thanks for sending them!
 
No, I haven’t seen the Mummy Returns yet, but I was just thinking yesterday that I need to go before it’s not in theatres. I guess I need to be like Nike and "Just do it."
 
Is Shelly still working there? How’s that working out? I bet it would be fascinating and fun to work at Universal Studios; I have never been there. I have been to Sea World - looking back I wish we’d opted for Universal Studios!
 
You wrote, "If he was single and I knew I had a chance with him, I don’t think I would have been so attracted to him." I have thought that about myself and married guys *so* many times! I have theories on attractions to/from married men. (What a surprise!) I think part of it is that whole forbidden fruit thing. It could also be that since they have someone it proves that they must be worth having! I think they flirt with other women because it’s flattering to them that other people still want them. Plus the women they meet - at work or where-ever - are fun and casual; there’s no arguing about the kids, the bills, etc. 
 
Produce man Bob sounds like Darrell! Darrell was balding - pretty much bald - and wore glasses and his ears stuck out, well, a lot. He was pretty thin and about as tall as I am (i.e. average height). But I sure found myself thinking very un-Christian things about him. He was confident in himself and I think that is very attractive.
 
I have wondered if Michelle - "Chell" - is jealous of my singleness. She could be, who knows? I think part of it is that she just wants people to do what she says! She’s a stay-at-home mom, so she doesn’t have much else to do than run people’s life, I guess. I still haven’t written to her - I do not want to hear about Penny’s brother and how I should "give it a shot." (I’d need more than one shot for that - make it a double! lol!) The more I think of it, the more right you are: why waste an evening of your life on a pity date? I do NOT think it’s selfish! I think it’s a lot more kind in the long run to let them know that you aren’t interested. Dating for a free meal is just cold!
 
I know what you mean about wanting someone, yet it’s nice to be single. Talking about the greener grass, I heard a twist on that which I liked: "The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still has to be mowed." I think that is profound. It’s like thinking "if I just had a man" or a house or a car or a new job or whatever! With the new thing, you’d still have good and bad points. For example, without a man it can be "all about you." With a man, it’s nice (or it should be) but you have to give-and-take if you want it to last.
 
Oh yeah, my first name. <CRINGE!> I don’t like it, so I will not mention it!  I don’t like my last name either - I truly hate to see it on my email! My family will affirm that I have major name issues; it happens when just about EVERY PERSON that I have ever met makes fun of my name. I usually introduce myself as Anne. I can’t even say [my last name] with any dignity. Sometimes, I’ll tell people on the phone that my last name is "Lane." If I don’t get married soon, I may just change my name!
 
I feel a connection to you to! It is like God brought us together: don’t think me corny, but I pray that He will bless our "e-friendship." I really enjoy talking to you about dating and stuff! Like you said, it is so nice to talk to someone who’s going through pretty much the same thing! My sister hasn’t had many dates in her 32 years - she’s a bit overweight and she just likes to stay at home. I think she gets jealous when I talk about guys asking me out. I think, "Shoot! Many losers are attracted to me: do not be jealous of that!"
 
I have got to do some work. But only a little. Talk to you later! God bless!
Anne

From: Michele
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2001 11:22 PM
Subject: I’m saving myself for Arnold Vosloo

Hi Anne!
 
You’re quite welcome (regarding the Arnold Vosloo e-card)!  He is so sexy!  Did you see the Mummy Returns yet?  Hurry!  Go before it isn’t playing in theatres anymore!  Oh my goodness, those eyes!  That mouth!  That body!  That accent!  My friend Shirley e-mailed me and said "The only thing ’scary’ about him is that he isn’t here for me to touch and look at!"  He is so yummy!
 
Yes, it does get humid here pretty often (a nightmare for my naturally curly hair).  I’m guessing the average temperature here during the summer is about 85 degrees.  Thank God for air conditioning!  I honestly don’t like summer weather.  I like fall the most.  The middle of fall, when its too cold for it to be considered Summer weather yet its too warm for it to be considered Winter weather. 
 
Nora hired a new girl.  Shelly.  ("Oh no.  Not again," I can hear you saying)  She worked yesterday and today, and so far she hasn’t quit yet!  Hooray!  It seemed she caught on pretty quick, which is a good sign.  She worked  one summer at Universal Studios in Flordia.  How cool is that?  Have you ever been there?  I have, twice.  Its a really fun place.  Well, actually I went when I was on vacation at Disneyworld.  The first time I went was in 1997, the second time was in 1999, and I’m going again this November!  I can’t wait! 
 
So you were a telemarkter for one day, huh?  My friend Dana was one for about a week before she called it quits.  I could never be a telemarketer.  For one thing, I hate using the phone!  I pretty much stayed at my jobs.  My first job was at that laundromat/video store and I was there for about a year.  Then the business closed and I got my job at the grocery store.  That lasted about five years, then my family moved and soon after I got my got at *****.  In September I will be there for two years.
 
Oh, I agree that looks alone are not enough.  Just as personality alone isn’t enough.  You can have one guy who has the greatest personality.  He’s sweet and kind and a gentleman- everything you can ever look for in a man, but if you’re not physically attracted to him it isn’t going to work.  Then you have another guy whose looks put Arnold Vosloo to shame (highly unlikely, but lets pretend here) but if hes this brainless, boorish goon that isn’t going to work either.  It has to be a combination of both.  Usually its better for a guy to have more personality than looks.  Let me explain:  You meet a guy and while he is no Arnold Vosloo, there is something about him that you find attractive.  Sexy.  You’re drawn to him.  So you go out and he has a great personality and seeing how great his personality is he really starts to become sexy to you.  Remember how I said the looks are the spark, but the personality keeps the fire going.
 
Oh, I know about having crushes on married men.  Why do married men seem more attractive than single men, anyway?  Is it because they seem more settled?  Or maybe the idea of the forbidden is intriguing.  When I worked at the grocery store, I was madly in lust with the produce man, Bob.  Yes, he was married.  The thing is, he wasn’t this outstandingly good looking man.  He was bald (you know, I must have a thing for bald men) and he didn’t have this perfect, "washboard abs" kind of body, but he turned me on!  I could tell by the way he looked at me that he thought I was pretty.  Of course it never went past that.  He knew I was a nice girl, but I’m sure if I wasn’t and I tried to seduce him, he’d give in.  God, I would never think of doing such a thing!  I think the reason why he turned me on so much was the fact that he was married.  If he was single and I knew I had a chance with him, I don’t think I would have been so attracted to him.  Who knows?
 
Could it be that Michelle is pushing you to just date anything in pants is because shes subconsciencely jealous of your freedom?  I know you said that getting married was so important to her, but you know how "the grass looks greener on the other side".  Thats just a guess.  You know her better than I do.  I don’t think you or  me or anyone on this planet should go out with someone unless they want to!  I am not going to waste two hours of my life just to be nice to someone.  A pity date.  If I sound selfish saying this, then so be it.  Theres a line in a Cindy Morgan song that goes "What you want you just can’t have and if you had it you probably wouldn’ t want it anymore."  how true.
 
When you said "I wondered how the wives of other great guys I know got those guys to marry them," I breathed a sigh of relief.  So, I’m not the only one!  What’s their secret?  They should write a book!  I want to trust God completely with my love life, but is trusting Him enough?  And then I have to wonder what if it isn’t in GOd’s plan for me to marry?  Grant you, I am content with my life, but there are times when I get lonely too.  Very lonely!  Every day, I wake up and think, "Well, maybe today will be the day.  Maybe I will finally meet my soul mate."  and then I go through the day and nothing happens and I try to have a cheerful attitude about it but I get so scared that "that day" will never get here.  Danielle said to me "I wish I had a boyfriend on the days I was lonely, and the days I’m fine I could just shove him in the back of my closet until I needed him again" (lol).  Thats how I feel sometimes.  I want to fall in love, but I don’t want to lose my freedom.  I want to fall in love, but I get so scared sometimes.  This really confuses me sometimes.  I’m hoping and praying that when I finally do meet "the one"  everything will perfectly fall into place and I won’t even think about being afraid.
 
you notice how our e-mails always end up talking about romance (or lack thereof?)  It feels really good to talk to someone who is basically going through the same thing that I am, you know?  I know we’ve only been e-mailing each other for about a month now, but I really feel a connection with you, Anne.  Its almost as if God has brought us together.  Maybe some day we will meet in person.
 
Anne, I was curious about something.  What is your first name?  It isn’t Anne, right?  If you don’t want to say, I understand, but let me assure you that I’m not a kook or a physco or anything!  I’m just curious.  I will continue to call you Anne, unless you state otherwise.  If Anne is your first name and you’re thinking  "What the heck is she talking about?"  I say, "um …. never mind!"
 
Well, thats it for now.  Have a great weekend!  Until next time, take care and God bless!
 
Michele

From: Anne
Sent: Thursday, June 14, 2001 3:03 PM
Subject: Sakes alive, a MAN!

Hello, Michele!
 
I got the e-card of Mr. Vosloo. Oh my goodness gracious! I do NOT think he is scary. I think that SEXY is the correct word. He’s so big and manly! And with no shirt on and that band around his arm he looks so PRIMAL. (GRRROWL!!) I would make that picture my desk wallpaper if my computer wasn’t so public! (At my old job, I’d printed a picture of Brad Pitt from the Net and hung it up. Some older guy asked seriously if that was my man. I wish!) Heck, I might do it anyway!
 
So it’s humid there too? Years ago, I always thought of Northern states as being perpetually cold. (Well, I didn’t know any better!) To educate me: is it often humid there? And how hot does it get - on the average - during the summer? Here in late summer it’ll stay in the 90’s. (In this office it feels like the low 60’s but that’s a good thing: I’m still thinking of that picture!! WOO HOO!)
 
As a waitress, I trained a lady one evening and she never returned! (I think her name was Betty as well!) The boss jokingly (?) asked what I did to her. I can relate to your job turn-over woes: so many people would come and go at those restaurants. I’ve always considered myself a sticker-to-it (Stick-to-it-er? One that sticks? WHATEVER!). Wait a mo … on my first job ever I was a telemarketer. My first day, I was to sit in a smoky, small room where the others were calling people, and I had to sit in the middle of the room and read aloud over and over the "speech" that we were to give. I was off the next day and the more I thought of it, the more that I couldn’t stand going back for another day! So I called and quit that evening. But since then, I have stayed with all of my jobs for quite a while. Maybe it’s like Kenny Rogers says, "you’ve got to know when to hold ‘em/ know when to fold ‘em. / Know when to walk away / know when to run."
 
Before I burst into song, I’ll move on. I fully agree with your answer to my dating question, and I *have* considered before how I would feel if the situation was reversed. Reading your comments, I thought again that I would feel beyond awful (in the reverse scenario) and it’s absolutely not fair to use someone to buy you dinner or whatever. I guess that’s the main reason that I just can’t accept that "date them all one time" philosophy. In addition, I know that I wouldn’t want to be part of some guy’s dating "harem." If he was going out with me I would hope that he would not be asking out every other girl he met! As you said, I would want to be attracted to him and I would want him to be attracted to me. What a concept! Really liking the one you’re going out with!
 
I also agree that is isn’t just about physical attractiveness. I thought that Ray was very attractive, but it’s NOT ENOUGH if that’s his main/only good quality! One guy that used to work here, Darrell, was by NO means a Trent (ooh! or an Arnold Vosloo!) , but when I got to know him, I developed quite a crush on him. He was so fun and confident and positive and nice! And smart! And a Christian! But he had one huge bad point: a wife. (Sickening, isn’t it?) Nothing ever happened with him - as it absolutely should not have - but I sure did like to talk to him! He saw my driver’s license picture one time and he said that I looked "good - almost datable." I told him that when that pic was taken I didn’t have a boyfriend, so that’s probably why I looked so happy!
 
Wow, I miss Darrell! The guy that took his place is retired from one company, and is your basic know-it-all snob. Why couldn’t he be one of those two-day people? At least he only works part-time.
 
My pushy friend, whose name is Michelle BTW but she goes by Chell, has been married for about six years. She’s been living in other states for many years now. I lost touch with her for a while, so I can only assume she practiced as she preaches. (Although I refuse to believe she went out with EVERYONE who asked. That would be ridiculous!) I know that getting married was very important to her - I would have considered her one that felt incomplete without a man. Sometimes when I listen to her being so negative and pushy, I truly wonder how she got a reasonably nice guy to marry her! I’m guessing that she’s not like that around him, but how can she not be? I think it’s her nature. But I think that she is happily married. That and the fact that marriage was/is so important to her are why I think she hates to see me alone. She doesn’t understand how someone can be happy without a man. With my experiences I should wonder how someone can be happy WITH a man! (lol)
 
I also often wondered how the wives of other great guys I know got those guys to marry them. HOW?! They need to write a book, because I truly cannot fathom it. A big part of it is probably that they only dated guys they thought were outstanding. (Aha! So there’s another vote for dating only those to whom we are attracted!) As I wrote that, I thought, "That sounds great! I will only date guys that I think are outstanding!" I believe I mentioned last time that my next date WILL BE with someone that I am attracted to! Or it simply will not be!
 
I could hardly believe your latest Chaz tales: I used to be Anonymous Note Girl myself. I don’t believe I ever admitted sending a note. I left one in a guy’s locker once telling him to "feel free to call me sometime." I didn’t put my name because I felt that we were sharing meaningful glances in the hall between classes so I knew that he’d know it was me. <insert shaking head in pity here> I know what you mean: it seems like such a good idea! Then there’s the panic factor, after it’s done.
 
And I was inspired by the Christmas card story - what a great way to start a conversation with someone particularly about Jesus! I would like to see the lyrics to that song - Cantus.
 
That’s it for now. Talk to you later! God bless!
Anne