Chix Chat

From: Michele
Sent: Monday, September 17, 2001 8:25 AM
Subject: PRAY

Hi Anne!

I was just thinking about that song Pray by MC Hammer (wonder what ever happened to him?)  and how true the words to that song are:  We’ve got to pray just to make it today!  It makes me sad that some people might blame God for what happened, and while I did ask God, ‘why couldn’t you have stopped this?’ I never blamed God.  God didn’t do this, those people did.

I still can’t comprehend that this has happened. That maybe 5,000 people  are dead because of a group of people’s hatred for this country.  You’re right.  Every single person on those planes and in those buildings were murdered!  I have also been praying for president Bush and for other world leaders.  If we go to war …. I’m just so scared about this.  I mean, I’m paranoid that we’re going to get a bomb dropped on us or something!  Now, joking that I don’t want to die a virgin isn’t funny anymore!  Also, my second cousin, Christina (she’s 21) is in the marines and she’s on high alert from the government.  If we go to war, she will be in combat.  As you can imagine the whole family is a nervous wreck.  I’ve been keeping her in my prayers as well.  I kinda half joked that maybe she can "get out of this" by getting pregnant.  Hey, I would rather my daughter be pregnant and unmarried than fighting a war and maybe die.  I don’t agree at all with women in combat.  Women are supposed to be soft and feminine.  Men are supposed to be the protectors.  Anyway, that’s besides the point now.

I was just thinking.  It really sucks that you live in Huntsville and I live in Pittsburgh.  I mean, if we both lived close to each other, I’m sure we would be hanging out  a lot!  I’m sure we would have a lot of fun together!  It sucks because my two other good friends, Dana and Ingrid also live out of state.  Dana lives in Florida and Ingrid lives in Mass.  Lately, I’ve been hanging out a lot with Shelly.  And of course with Danielle too, when she’s not out with Brian.  Speaking of which …

I had yet another crying jag the other day.  Danielle and Brian went out for ice cream and his younger sister and her boyfriend went too.  I was just struck by this horrible lonliness.  I mean, here Danielle is, not only does she have a boyfriend now, but she’s also making new friends and here I am left in the cold.  My mom is so totally clueless.  I try not to cry in front of her because she has such a callaus attitude about it.  That day I was just aching so bad and while I tried to hide the fact that I was crying, I wanted her so bad to hug me and tell me that everything was going to be all right.  She just looks at me and says "what’s wrong with you?  Are you sick or something?"  I was so hurt and angry but I didn’t say anything.  I thought, ‘why even bother?’  Anne, I am so glad I have you to talk to about this.  I feel we truly understand each other!

I get these waves of emotions. One minute I’m ok and I think, ‘ok, so what if Danielle falls in love before me?  I might meet my future husband sooner than I think!’  then the other minute I think, ‘Ok, God, what are you doing here?  I want to fall in love NOW!  I can’t wait any longer!  I can’t take this anymore!’  Then I get angry at myself for being so selfish.  Why can’t i just be happy for my sister? 

That forward that I had sent you, but it didn’t go through was a picture of the towers after one of the planes hit it.  In the smoke it looks like theres a face in it.  It looks like the devil’s face!  I don’t know if it’s real or computer generated, but it really gives me the creeps!  I was sent a similiar picture, and I’ll try to forward that out.  Maybe that one will work.

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Hi again!  It is now Monday morning.  Last night Danielle and I saw Rush Hour 2.  It was pretty good.  There were a lot of halarious scenes in it.  After what happened last week, I really needed a good laugh!  Afterwards we went out to eat.  Hmmm …. do you think I maybe possibly could have met someone?  Of course not.  And so another day has passed and I have yet to meet my "soul mate"

Also, my friend e-mailed me.  Ingrid.  She’s the one who I’m planning on going to Ireland with.  She said that in light of what happened, maybe we should postpone our trip.  In a way I agree with her, but then again I just want to go to Ireland and make my dreams come true!  I am so hurt and angry about this.  I can’t believe that because of a bunch of fuc&*% people who decided to do this, I might not go to Ireland!  I might not have known anyone who died last Tuesday, but this might have killed my dream! 

I’m going to go now, Anne.  I’m about to cry and the words on the screen are very blurry.

take care,  God bless!

Michele