Chix Chat

From: Michele
Sent: Tuesday, June 18, 2002 9:10 AM
Subject: Yes, I am home!!

From: "Anne"
Date: Fri, 5 Oct 2001 12:45:40 -0500
Subject: All I need is a Miracle … bra

Hi, Michele!

He (aka "the Man") should have the test grades ready for us on Monday. In a way I hate to think that I did well - I’ll be disappointed and surprised when I get a bad grade. (I know I wrote that last time, but it’s true! I try not to count on getting a good grade.)

Re: DVD’s on computer - the computer has to have a special drive for that (I think it’s a DVD-Rom drive), but yes, there are some computers that play DVD’s. We don’t have a DVD player yet - we’re waiting for the price to go down like it did for the VCR’s.

We are on the same level again - boy, what a surprise! I’m not too worried about my Randy-crush fading. Last time I was going to write essentially what you said: "No use getting worked up over what isn’t meant to be." I remember thinking last week, as I was in the full throes of my crush, "Imagine if I was married and suddenly felt like this. This is one way marriages crumble: people don’t realize that these are silly crush feelings and think they are something more." That is along the lines of what you wrote about people marrying because they feel good then the marriages don’t last. Thankfully, with Randy, I didn’t do anything crazy like try to start dating him; I kept wondering, "Where would it go?" I mean sure, it’s very nice to really like someone, but you can’t build a marriage on a crush!

I agree with you about Danielle: if Brian isn’t the one she’s setting herself up for a big fall. I have been down that road myself: of wanting it to work but not really being practical about it. When I was with the church youth group, I read some good advice on a Christian bookmark: choose only a date that would make a good mate. I remember thinking at the time, "That is so lame." But now I see that it’s true. When I was with Ray, I remember Chell asking me quietly yet sincerely, "Why are you wasting your time?" That really struck a nerve. For a brief while, I tried to prove her wrong, but then reality finally set in. (Praise the Lord!) I *was* wasting my time and making it harder for myself to lose him further down the line. One good thing came out of all of it: I learned just how important it is to be very choosy about dating!

I was going to mention the "sexually compatible" thing last time too! I remember one girl in high school said about the subject of waiting until marriage, "What if the guy was no good?" (I’m paraphrasing: she said it a bit more crudely.) For one thing if you are a virgin you have no frame of reference. More importantly: I agree with you 100% that making love to the husband that you’ve prayed and waited for - there is NO WAY that you wouldn’t be compatible! Plus it would just get better as time goes on. (I admit that I’m coveting that sort of thing right now!)

On that note, I have to leave early today to (drive by the police station and) go to my dentist appointment. Have a great weekend! Talk to you soon!

God bless us all, every one!
Anne

"Some women get all excited about nothing and then marry him."

From: "Anne"
Subject: Don’t underestimate the power of spandex!
Date: Thu, 4 Oct 2001 16:18:18 -0500

Hi Michele!

Things here are kind of slow. I’m in one of those moods where I have a million ideas for the Angel site; I like those moods.

Today, I am wearing my new Wonderbra; part of my Birthday Treat Collection. It’s really comfortable; I am a big fan of the Wonderbra. In the words of Jay Leno: "(The Wonderbra) is better engineered than the space station Mir."

I think I am losing some of my fire for Randy. :*( Out of sight, out of mind and all that. Oh well. I’ll still drive by the police station whenever I can.

That bald guy site experience was great! It’s nice that you encouraged that guy. What have we always been saying: unhappiness is wanting what you do not have. If that guy spent every day detesting that he was bald, then he’d certainly be miserable. If I may be so bold: what exactly did you write in their guest book?

On the subject of VCR timing: the first time I ever tried to tape something was the season finale of Beauty and the Beast. I did like you: set it to record from 7:00 to 7:01! I never have seen the season finale of it either. We didn’t have a VCR at that time; we rented one solely for me to tape that show. Right after that, Dad liked having the VCR so he bought one along with a ton of Elvis movies.

Buffy didn’t exactly give me nightmares, per se. The bad demon guy was very ugly but not unbearable. It was more what Buffy’s crew specifically Willow was doing. During the spell to bring Buffy back, Willow (the one doing the chanting) coughed up a snake. (Repeat: coughed up a snake.) It was "a test from Osiris." Very very weird episode. It’s not usually nearly so weird: I’ll be glad for it to return to normal soon. Did I tell you that one of our piddly little local stations is actually showing the syndicated Buffy eps? That means I’ll get to see the ones I’ve missed: essentially seasons 1 through 4.

Oh yes - the test. I feel very good about it! I kind of hate that: I’ll be surprised when I see that D. Seriously, I think I did well. It was on the first four chapters and chapter six of "Structural Analysis." We were supposed to calculate the loads on a wood deck of a given size, the forces in the members of a truss bridge when a load is applied, etc. I thought it was a pretty straightforward test, but we were all still working ten minutes after class was supposed to end.

As I read what you wrote about your future husband wanting God’s guidance, I thought, "That is exactly what I want too!" A man that will truly understand about waiting until marriage; I dream of a man that is waiting for marriage himself. One guy I used to date used to say, cynically, "If you find a thirty year old man that’s a virgin, there’s something wrong." I remember thinking, "That sounds pretty good to me! Nothing wrong there." But like you said, what are the chances of finding such a man. (I bet there would be a lot of women who want him as well!)

I’ve also heard people claim that if you wait, the honeymoon night will be awkward. For one thing, I agree with you: it will be anything but awkward! It’ll be beautiful and special and wonderful because it’s the right thing. I’ve also thought before of the flip side: what if you married someone you have already slept with? Exactly what would be special about the honeymoon? I mean, if they’ve already done the deed, I guess on the honeymoon, such a couple could go to Mexico or something. Sarcasm here: ooh, Mexico - instead of the beautiful, wonderful, gratifying experience of their first night together after waiting for so long for the right time.

That’s it for today. It’s almost time to go home: woo hoo! Talk to you soon!
God bless us all, every one!
Anne
 

From: "Anne"
Subject: Buffy lives … but she’ll have to wait!
Date: Tue, 2 Oct 2001 14:45:32 -0500

Hi, Michele!

WHADDAYA MEAN, "MA’AM"?!?!?!? I swear all you young whippersnappers! Back in my day ….

Anyway, tonight is the season premiere of the show that is specifically for a mature audience (like myself): Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I really want to see it, but I really need to start studying for my test which is *tomorrow.* I’ll have to tape it and add it to the rapidly growing pile of tapes I need to watch.

Ahhh … Randy! (I’m still sighing when I say his name.) Let’s see what does he look like . . . you know Arnold Vosloo? Well, he doesn’t look at all like that. I’ll describe him: he has reddish blond hair (more blond than red), even his eyelashes are that light color - it’s very interesting. He’s not pale though - his face is really brown and weathered, but nice. He has a moustache, if I remember correctly. I’d say he’s a little taller than I am, maybe he’s five-seven or five-eight. Oh, and very important: he was NOT wearing a wedding ring! I don’t know how old he is, but I would guess early to mid thirties. He’s actually sort-of plain looking, but I still find him irresistible!

Another cop, Greg, who is Randy’s partner, I think, was telling us some stories about the two of them. He told us in our first jury session how he and Randy heard that some drug dealer from Nashville hired someone to kill them both, but they found out about it and caught the guy. (At that point it really hit me just what a dangerous job they have.) This time, Greg told us how they were at a local grocery store burning a large stash of marijuana in the store’s incinerator. Greg said he was in the room throwing the pot in the fire for about two hours. He didn’t know that the filter clogged up so the fumes were backing up into the room. He said Randy came in and saw Greg staring at the wall. Randy said, "What are you doing?" Greg said he turned, looked at Randy and laughed. Randy knew it was time to get him out of there. I thought that was such a funny story: I can just picture it Randy going in and sees the guy staring at the wall, completely spaced out. Greg said that later he got hungry for Twinkies and cussed out some kid working at the grocery store because they didn’t have Twinkies. All of this is according to what Randy told Greg, because Greg of course doesn’t remember anything from during that time frame.

Talking about people smoking pot reminds me of Ray; I think he used to get high more than he would admit. When I look back at some pictures that we took, I can see it so clearly now with his beady eyes and complete lack of care. You know, with my talent for spotting drug addicts, I could really be of use to a certain local police investigator. . . . . . . . sorry, my mind wandered as I thought of the ways I could be of use. (WOO HOO!) I may have told you that I suspected Ray would try to call me on my birthday - well he didn’t. I’m glad, although I was kind of hoping that he’d ask me out again so that I could turn him down in an un-nice way. "Will I go out with you? No, I don’t think so. I’m looking for someone that I’m actually attracted to."

That Greg guy also told us that he doesn’t eat at any of the local restaurants because the cooks know who he is and he doesn’t want them to spit in his food. I was VERY impressed that he knew that! I used to work at a ***** and some of the cretins there told me what they did to the sheriff’s food one time. I remember being so mad at that; one of those cretins was my ex-boyfriend Jamie who can be summarized in one word: blech! My point was that Greg really impresses me. Don’t get me wrong it’s not like with Randy. (Greg is married.) I wish Randy would’ve shared some stories with us - he seems a little more shy than Greg.

I am wondering if getting back into my regular routine is making me calm down a bit about Randy. I hope not - it’s nice to like someone, even if it’s just a crush. I’m going to keep watching the newspaper just in case his picture turns up, but I bet he tries to keep his face out of the paper. If I do find one, I’ll scan it and send it to you.

I honestly don’t know why Sara keeps putting off leaving *****. I think she remembers the times she’s tried to find something new before and she gets really frustrated/scared thinking that she won’t be able to find anything again. I know that if she’d look she could find something good. I know it’s tough to keep looking, I think she gives up way too easily. It’s like with you and your book: you keep looking, and you definitely should because the rewards of continuing to look will *far* outweigh the few frustrations of looking. Well, that was a wordy sentence, but you know what I mean, right?

So it’s B & D’s 1 month anniversary - I forget is that the Paper or the Plastic anniversary? Just kidding! It’s great that things are going well for them. How are you doing with your Green Eyed Monster problem? As I started this paragraph I started to be a bit jealous too! I bet my bottom lip was poking out as I thought, "Everyone has someone but me!!" I think my recent crush is what brings that on: I think how wonderful it would be to like someone and to actually get to be with them. Compared to that being alone really womps! Anyway, it’s good that Brian can be keeping an eye out for someone good (featured word: good) for you. So, what does Danielle say about Brian? Does she go around saying how much she loves him and all that (blech!), or is she more cool and casual about it? Does she ever say she loves him?

I sure am writing a lot lately. Hey, I missed talking to you too! Especially after all my "feelings" for Randy - I’d think, "I’ve got to tell Michele about this!" Then I’d panic a little and think, "What if she’s gone, like so many before her?" I know: I should have known better. (Insert sheepish grin here.)

That’s it for today. Talk to you soon!
God bless!
God bless America!
Anne

"I do not regret the things I’ve done, but those that I did not do." Rory Cochrane (That is so true! I’m inspired to go find Randy.)
 

From: "Anne"
Subject: Be on the lookout for … Dreamy Cops!
Date: Mon, 1 Oct 2001 13:19:44 -0500

Hi Michele!

Well, I *was* starting to get a little worried about you. I figured there was a logical explanation. And I know that sometimes people just get busy.

Speaking of which, it’s crazy here! I’ll work backward: I have a test on Wednesday that I am *so* not ready for! I had three inventories yesterday and got called into a last minute gig on Saturday. I missed class on Monday last week because of Grand Jury duty.

Grand Jury Duty needs a paragraph just for itself, so I’ll put that here. I had to reschedule my dentist appointment again because I knew I wouldn’t get to leave GJ by 3:00 on Tuesday. We had over 200 cases to hear this time; we only had 167 last time. Yes, my dreamy cop - Steve is his name - was back. He looked a bit different; still tall and manly but I think his hairline is starting to recede. Fear not, he is still dreamy; his shoulders and his six-foot-ness have not receded one bit! This time, however, I find myself obsessed with … AHEM! … interested in another cop - Randy. (I sigh dreamily every time I say or write his name …) I believe that he works with the drug task force; I don’t know what it is about him but I cannot get him off of my mind! I have been driving past the police station every chance I get just in case he might be walking outside. In GJ, right before he came in to talk to us, we all took a five-minute break to stretch out legs. If I recall correctly, as I stepped into the hall my eyes met his. The sad thing is, I can’t remember if that really happened or if that was another occasion and I’m simply remembering it the way I want to. Do you ever do that? You can remember something so clearly, but then again you don’t know if it really happened?

I’m sure I will have plenty more to say about Dreamy Cops, but I’ll have to come back to it when I have more time.

How is your computer doing now? Did you have to have it replaced or was someone able to fix it?

So you finally met Brian, eh? How are things going with him and Danielle? It’s great that he’s thinking of someone good for you; don’t underestimate the power of networking! And he knows bikers? Growl! My advice would be: if you get the chance to hang around Brian some you should, so he can be wow-ed by your charm and personality and then he can give you a very hearty recommendation to his friends! He’ll think, "Okay, I’m going to have to find someone extra-great for Michele; she deserves better than just some plain old guy …"

I saw your email about the short story going to be published: THAT IS SO GREAT!! I know you’re excited about it. Have you heard anything from the people about your book? Hey, if they’re looking for "experienced" writers, having that short story (and others too, no doubt!) published will look good on your resume!

In other news, Sara is still "looking" for a job. She came home Friday upset after an argument with a manager; the manager had told her to call back to see if she still had a job. I kept telling her that losing that job could be the best thing that ever happened to her. She didn’t buy that. I also told her how that store can’t keep any help, so they’d really hurt themselves if they tried to fire her. She had to wait until the next day to call; she’s not fired. What a surprise. She was saying this weekend how she "needs to call *****." She keeps putting that off. I try not to push her on it; it would be better for her to replace ***** completely instead of picking up a part-time job. Although I am encouraging her to try to find a job at the police department . . .

One more thing - for today - about Dreamy Cops: how cool would it be to tell dopehead Ray that I’m dating a drug task force guy? I smile wickedly every time I think of introducing them. Let’s face it, I smile wickedly every time I think about Randy and a pair of handcuffs. You would not believe how much I have been thinking about that guy! I have been scheming of ways to see him again and - gasp! - talk to him. What can I do: go into the police station and casually ask for his phone number? LOL. I could claim there is an emergency and I need his help; no wait, that’s illegal. I know, I know: it’s ridiculous for me to obsess over this man that I know nothing about. I don’t even know if he has any of the qualities on my "list." It’s just so rare that I meet someone that I’m actually attracted to; it’s hard to believe (and also quite depressing to think) that it’s just another crush.

Speaking of crushes, I have also been hearing good reviews of The Mummy Returns: I cannot wait to see him … I mean … it! I am just in the mood to see a *fine* guy in an arm band . . . WOO HOO!

There was something else … oh, yes: it’s my birthday - woo hoo! I’m taking off this afternoon to do a little shopping. Did you say that you’re sending presents? You didn’t have to do that! It doesn’t happen to be a love potion does it? I know just how I’d use it!

That’s it for today. Talk to you soon! God bless!
Anne

"Early in the morning, I can’t sleep. I can’t work and I can’t eat. I feel drunk all day - can’t concentrate! Maybe I’m makin’ a big mistake … Oh no, not again! It hurts so good; I don’t understand . . . infatuation!" Rod Stewart

From: Anne
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2001 4:26 PM
Subject: I wasn’t exactly sitting …

Hi, Michele!

Re: "sitting" on the sofa; I was more … um… laying down. (insert red face here.) I had stood by the arm and fell backward onto the sofa so I was laying on the sofa with my legs hanging over the arm … are you getting a mental picture of the embarrassment here? No, my boss hasn’t said anything about it. I’m glad, I know myface woul turn as red as a beet.

I am also a huge Garfield fan! He is *so* funny, with his laid-back self. I used to have Garfield underwear, which brings me to an amusing (?) Trent story. (Curious much?) I may have mentioned that Trent used to live near us. One day he said that I could ride home with him. (I think I asked - you KNOW I was in heaven!) As we were heading home, he suddenly felt compelled to go to McDonald’s for a burger; I believe he bought me one too. I’m digressing there - it’s such a good memory for me! Anyway, as I was getting my stuff out of the car, he said jokingly, "be sure to get everything: we don’t want to start any rumors." This was when I was in high school - I would have loved to start some rumors. Anyway, I told Chell what he said, and mentioned my Garfield undies, and I said saucily, "Well, Trent already knows about my Garfield undies." To this day, she will call me "Garfield" whenever she thinks of it.

I’ll see the Cute Pony-tailed guy this evening. Will I speak to him about almost hitting his car? Doubtful. I agree with your thoughts on shyness in relationships. You mentioned waiting for the guy to make a move: if I’d been just a little more talkative, surely Trent would’ve been powerless to resist me! (LOL) I am like you: my future husband will definitely be the pursuer. I would love to be gutsy enough to actually make a play for a guy I liked. But there’s that whole "what if I tried and he rejected me?" question burning in my mind. I usually decide that the fantasy is better than the reality. My sister, God bless her, is the type that will ask guys out. She has maybe four or five times in her life that I know of. I admire her for that, but she gets so upset when they turn her down (and they usually have). Years ago, one guy went out with her (after she asked him out first) for two weeks, borrowed $80 from her to fix his car and disappeared. Oh, and she paid when they went out. Yeah, I’d love to meet that guy - with the business end of my bat!

I can believe that the customer would lift the sheet to get to the merchandise then act like "well it was out." It’s like, "Well we put it under a sheet so the less stupid customers would understand that it wasn’t available yet." What else can you do? Put signs all around the sheet-covered display that say, "Do not open until (date)" or "NO! These aren’t ready! This means you!" Heck even then, someone would get one and try to buy it!

**recommendations**
cd - Whitney/Whitney Houston
movie - Romancing the Stone (loved Groundhog Day!)
TV show - That 70’s Show (really liked Charles In Charge)

funny moment- From Wings - I love the whole episode where they’ve dug up the time capsule and are reading letters of what they thought their lives would be like. In all of their letters, Helen is still a tad overweight. After hearing the guys’ letters she says, "Well, that’s just great. In your future (to Tim Daly’s character) I wasn’t even on the planet, and in yours (to the other guy’s character) I *was* the planet."

new questions- ANSWERED!

do you have any credit cards?  If so, how many?- one credit card.

are you the type of person who does something right away or do you wait until the last minute?-  I am such a procrastinator. I tell people: "I work best under pressure." I don’t know if it’s true, but it’s what I tell people.

if you could choose, what color would you want your eyes to be?- I think I’d choose blue - which they are.

have you ever been a bridesmaid or a maid of honor?- no.  I’m gonna start using your expression: "Never a bridesmaid … never a bride!"

do you or have you ever belonged to a health club? no

do you have a tv and/or vcr in your bedroom?- I have a tv.

Nuevos Questionos (I’d like to apologize to Spanish people everywhere for that…)

Have you ever found money? When I was little, I happened upon $20 laying in the middle of a department store. As I recall, my dad tried to turn it in, but no one claimed it so we got to keep it! Several times at Cracker Barrel I found fives laying around on the kitchen floor.

Have you ever lost money? I lost a wallet that had about $8 in it once.

When was the last wedding you went to? I believe that it was my high school chum’s wedding in about 1995. It was nice - she was a little choked up while saying her vows. (Later I was devastated to learn she’s gotten divorced - she was the *last* person I would’ve thought would get divorced!)

How many times have you flown in an airplane? One trip - both ways. In 10th grade a group from high school went to Washington, DC.

That’s it for today. Talk to you later! God bless!
Anne

From: Michele
Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2001 8:37 PM
Subject: Do you realize if we lived during the Civil War, we’d be enemies?

Hi Anne!

I enjoyed reading your e-mail (as I always do).  To answer your question about the weather here (rainy or hot & sunny):  It is hot and sunny!  Humid!  Its a "why bother to put on make up" day.  Of course I did anyway, after all, my public awaits!  (lol)

I don’t talk about religious things with my parents much.  I talk to Danielle more about that stuff.  We’ve had quite a few heart-to-heart conversations, mostly about trusting God with every aspect in our lives.  Especially romance.

I agree with you when you said a sure way to be unhappy is to obsess over what you don’t have.  I have to watch myself when I fall into the "I want/I wish trap".  I want this … I wish that.  When I stop to realize what a great life I have- it puts things in perspective.  I mean, I’m healthy, I have a great family, I’ve never been abused in any way, I’m attractive and I have a pretty good head on my shoulders and I have God in my life.  And that only scratches the surface of the blessings in my life.  That saying "comparison is the root of all evil" is so true.  No matter how hard you try, there is always going to be someone who is smarter, prettier, richer, thinner, faster, taller, wittier, friendlier (ect) than you are.  And while your’e comparing what you would want in someone (god, she’s built so perfect.  I’d do anything to trade my size 12 body for her size 8 ) that person might be looking at you and comparing what she wants (she has the prettiest blue eyes.  What I wouldn’t give to have eyes like that!)  So instead of running around, exhausting yourself trying to "keep up with the Joneses"  doesn’t it make more sense just to accept yourself for who you are and just to enjoy your life?  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want to look your best or better yourself- I’m just saying that if you’re going to lose ten pounds or go to college- do it for yourself ,  not to try to "out do" someone.

That’s my two cents on that issue.

Well I told you about two-day-Tiffany.  Now I’ll tell you about one-day-Betty.  Yes, Nora hired another lady, Betty.  She worked ONE day, and quit!  Unbelievable, isn’t it?  These one and two dayers (yes, there have been others) don’t realize what "difficult" is!  First of all Nora is the nicest boss I’ve ever had.  If you can’t get along with Nora, you might as well not associate with anyone! (unlike your boss- I think Nora would be a great mother-in-law.  Too bad her only son is a mere 15 (lol)).  Second of all, everyone I work with is really nice.  I was accepted right away and everyone went out of their way to make me feel welcome.  Thirdly, the job is a breeze once you get the hang of it.  I don’t think Tiffany or Betty would have been satisfied working anywhere.

No, the main character in my book isn’t based on Chaz.  Maybe the part where he is an alcoholic is the same, but other than that, no.  Oh- Chaz does have a kid.  A daughter.  I think she’s sixteen now.  He was married before.  Yes, I too have a list of crushes (what a fitting word) T J, Jeff, Tony, Matthew, Chaz, Dwight, Patrick, Bob, Bob, Phil, and Harry.  All of them unobtainable in various levels.  Harry was the only "crush" I went out with.  Was it worth it?  Not really.  I keep journals too and would excitedly recount my encounters with whichever crush I saw that day.  TJ was my first significant crush (when I was 16) and I just shake my head and chuckle when I read some of the things I wrote about him back then.  I saw TJ today!  O-mi-god!  He is so cute!  He said Hi to me!  Oh, I love him so much!  Silly, child.  Don’t you know what real love really is?  I think the reason why I liked him so much was that he was the first good-looking boy that treated me nice.  I felt comfortable around him.  I think he liked me too.  Unfortunately, he was used to the girls running after him and I wouldn’t do that.  I didn’t think he knew how to run after a girl.  Anyway, he started dating this girl, Maria.  We remained friendly with each other.  He seemed miserable with her.  I always wonder, if you’re miserable with someone, then why are you with her (or him)?  Then one day- guess what?  Maria’s pregnant!  I’ll never know for sure, but I suspect that she got pregnant on purpose to try to trap him into marrying her.  IT didn’t work.  They never got married.   I think that’s a horrible thing to do- getting pregnant to try to trap a man.   They had their daughter in 1992 and they broke up about two years later.  Last I heard Maria got married and I really don’t know what TJ’s up to now.  The last time I saw him was about three years ago.  Now, looking back, he might be thinking "you stupid, fool!  I could have ended up with a really nice girl.  But no, I had to settle for second best."  Well, he and Maria made their choices.  No one put a gun to their heads and said- "you have to sleep together".  Back when I thought I was in love with him, the mere thought of us being "just friends" almost repulsed me.  Now I can see myself being his fried.  Heck, I’d even go out with him just as friends.  Who knows he could have gotten married for all I know!

I have a couple more Chaz stories (chuckle) First of all, on valentines day 1997, I sent him an anonymous card!  I wasn’t brave enough to sign my name (I might be now), but I think he suspected it was me.  Its so funny because when I mailed the card I was so brave then as the day went on I got progressively more nervous.  "What have I done?" crossed my mind a couple dozen times.  He never came right out and asked me if it was me.  Sometimes I wish that he did.  Anyway, when I wrote him that letter and told him I was praying for him- I told him that it was me who sent him the card.  The second chaz story is that Christmas that year I gave him a card.  Yes, hand-delivered it to him!  It must have been God giving me the courage to do that because looking back, I’m still amazed I was able to do it!  I honestly wanted to give him a card because I wanted to share my faith with him and what better time than Christmas?  I even wrote a verse in it from this celtic song, Cantus by Connie Dover.  It is a beautiful song- I’ll e-mail you the lyrics to it if you’d like.  Anyway, I gave the card to him on december 23, but I didn’t see him again until a few weeks later.  He thanked me for the card and said "I liked the prayer you wrote in it."  Then he kinda laughed and said "I need it."  I just reached out, took his hand and said "Its never too late for anyone, Chaz."  he looked at me and said "I hope not."  This is why I believe with my whole heart that I will be the one woman that he will always remember.

I can relate how it brought you down when you found out Trent got married.  I recently found out that Matthew (yet another crush) has two children and just had a baby with his current girlfriend.  I don’t think they’re married.  Even though I’m completely over him, I still couldn’t help but feel a sense of ‘what does she have that I don’t?"

Now to answer your questions.  Since they both deal with physical attractiveness I’ll just answer them both with the following:  I, personally, could never go out with someone who I wasn’t attracted to.  I’m not talking that I would only date this super handsome man.  But the man has to be attractive to me.  I don’t care how sweet or nice the guy is, there has to be an initial attraction there.  There has to be that spark.  IT doesn’t have to be a huge spark, but it has to be there.  As for your pushy friend who suggested that you just go out with anyone- does she go out with just anyone?  I don’t know, maybe she does, but if she doesn’t she should "practice what she preaches"  I just couldn’t see myself going out with a man who I felt nothing for.  I don’t care if he’s a nice guy or not.  THere are just as many nice men who I would be attracted to.  Think about it. What if the situation were reversed?  Say you asked a guy out and he accepted and you two have a relatively nice date.  Then at the end of the date he turns to you and says "Look Anne.  You’re a real nice girl and everything, but frankly you don’t turn me on.  I’m not attracted to you.  I just went out with you to get a free meal and I wanted to go out on a date.  So if its all the same to you, I think its best that we don’t go out again."  Wouldn’t you feel about two inches tall?  If I went out with someone I wasn’t attracted to, I’d just be getting his hopes up.  I think physical attractiveness is the spark, but personality is what keeps the fire going. 

Anyway, that’s my take on it.  Feel free to comment on what I said.

Well, I guess that’s it for now.  Until next time, take care and God bless!

Michele

From: Anne
Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2001 3:40 PM
Subject: Who’s Nellie? (Kidding!)

Hello, Michele!
 
I do like the colors in your letter! I’m trying to find a cool e-stationary/style. But who says you can only have one?
 
We’re all well here. I hope you’re all good too! Is it still raining? Or is it hot, sunny, and humid like it is here?
 
I think my sinus problem is in the process of clearing up. I haven’t had makeup on for the last three days; my boss mentioned that I look pale. (I am pale!) Today, the boss’s cute son came in. He probably thought, "Zoiks! What’s wrong with her?!" I’m sick, Pal. I guess I won’t be marrying him after all. (LOL!) Trust me, that is not an option for so many reasons - the main one is that I could NOT have my boss as my Mother-In-Law! The mere thought chills me to the bone!
 
Oh, yes, Sara and Mom are both Christians. Mom and Dad took us to church "before we were born" so-to-speak. I think that’s great that you led your family to Jesus! I’m curious, do you and your family talk about "religious things" much? We don’t really, although I wish we would. I’m trying to bring things up more. I agree that it’s very important to strengthen others in the Christian walk, and to have that in the family would be such a blessing!
 
Anyway. I don’t mind if you write long letters; I’ll probably do the same - often! When you’re on a roll, what can you do? I like to read other people’s ideas and experiences. Plus, just about everything you write, I think, "SO TRUE!" I thought that when you mentioned how some girls are always hunting a man, like they can’t feel complete without one. I think that is the saddest thing in the world! One sure way to be unhappy is to obssess over what you don’t have!
 
That’s also true at work. You mentioned people who quit after one day: I dare say these are people that are always looking for that proverbial green grass on the other side of the fence. There’s nothing wrong with working to improve, of course, but if someone can really be happy where she is - wherever she is - that is living The Dream!
 
I enjoyed your Tales of Chaz! Hmmm. Could there be a Chaz-esque character in your book? I can absolutely relate to crushes; I’ve liked (unrequited, of course) so many guys: Terry, Heath, PJ, Jamey, Robbie, Trent … we don’t really have time for all of them! I used to be so shy also, and I could never talk much to them. That’s a shame too, because if I was then like I am now, my personality just might have won them over! I used to think that we were exchanging "meaningful looks." Well, they were meaningful to me anyway! If I saw one of my crushes, I would come home and write excitedly in my journals - I would use a special colored pen because it was such a good day. There’s something extra-fun about flirting. It’s so personal and, like you said, so flattering!
 
I will say more about Trent since he was probably my last huge (non-celebrity) crush; I even wrote "fanfiction" about him. (It was pretty G-rated.) He was great: so handsome and so fun! He used to live up the street from us. He rode the school bus with me (not nearly often enough) when I was in ninth/tenth grade and he was a grade ahead of me. He went to my church and that’s probably why I used to want to go to every service! He stopped going to our church in about … I’m really guessing here … 1993. He got married a few years ago. I hadn’t seen him for a year or two before I read that in the paper, but it still brought me down a bit, because of all the guys that I knew, he was the only one that I could actually picture myself marrying. Not that we ever dated or anything. As I said, I was Miss Shy/Meaningful Glance.
 
I realized a while back that guys do know a "good girl" when they see one: I’ve often suspected this is why so many guys wouldn’t give me a second look. These days, I’m glad when THOSE types of guys aren’t interested in me: I still consider myself a good girl - Ray never really understood that. Talking about past relationships - even crushes - I think they all teach us something and help us learn about ourselves. (There I go again with that everything-happens-according-to-God’s-plan line again…) Before I realized that, I was a little bitter for quite a while because "no one that I like ever likes me back!" It can be frustrating, but it goes back to what we were discussing: being content and being patient while waiting for The One God has for us. I’d say that is definitely worth waiting for!
 
Also on the subject of dating, I was at an inventory "gig" last night. Some new guy kept talking to me. He finally asked, as I suspected he eventually would, "Do you have a boyfriend?" Do these guys even realize that "do you have a boyfriend?" and "would you consider going out with me?" are two entirely separate questions? I came up with a theory about guys a while back: I figure that if they ask out many people at all they have experienced a moderate amount of rejection, so they develop a pretty thick skin and a pretty casual attitude about asking most people out. It’s like, "Eh. Why not ask?" I just thought of another theory: the smoother they sound, the more practice they have probably had! I plan to start answering that question with a firm, "No, I don’t have a boyfriend, and I don’t want really want one right now." This should allow the guy to "save face" and not even try to ask any more, although it may make him think, "Aha! A challenge."
 
That brings me to one of two questions that I have for you about dating: do you think that we might miss out on perfectly nice guys because we’re not giving them a chance? As an example I specifically have in mind one guy that I know: he’s very smart and  nice, he has a great job, and he is a Christian - he has even done missionary work in another country. He asked me out when I had a boyfriend and I declined. He asked me out at the last minute a few months ago, and I truly had plans. I tried to suggest another day (I felt bad about turning him down twice.) but it didn’t pan out. He’s one of those that you feel bad when he asks because he does have all these great points, but (like my friend’s friend’s geeky brother) well, he’s no Trent. I wondered if it’s unfair or even unrealistic to compare guys like that, but I know if I went out with that guy, I would feel like it was a pity date because I have no "physical attraction" to him at all! All of that brought me to the question at the beginning of this paragraph. Maybe it’s selfish, but I really want to have some attraction to the next person I go out with. I want to be excited at the prospect of dating them, not feel like I’m doing a public service.
 
Brief FYI about Mr. Geek with Good Points: he has actually been in El Salvador - again - with his new girlfriend who lives there, so he should be "taken." (Pshew!!) But I know that a similar situation will pop up again!
 
The other question is similar: how do you feel about going out with someone that you aren’t attracted to? My pushy friend (God bless her) encourages me to do that with basically anyone who asks: "Go on one date. Let them buy you dinner. If there’s nothing there, tell them "no" the next time and the next until they get the message." Theoretically, it makes sense,  and you avoid the previous question issue because you are sort-of giving them a chance. I’ve gone out with guys like this before (honestly it seems like that’s *all* I’ve gone out with!), and I don’t like feeling like I’m using them (while on a Pity Date). Plus I think if you truly don’t see yourself having a future with them, it’s more than a little mean to get their hopes up. But if you say no, it goes back again to "should you give them a chance?" It’s so debatable and frustrating! I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter.
 
That’s about it for now. Talk to you later! God Bless!
Anne

From: Michele
Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 9:15 AM
Subject: Woah, Nellie! Long letter!

Hi Anne!
 
Like my colorful background and lettering?  Hope all is well with you.  I hope Sara gets a job with you.  I don’t know about where you work at- but where I work at …. well, I think we could have invented the saying "good work is hard to find!"  Two girls just quit, and another one just put her two weeks notice in.  Nora is frantically trying to find someone.  Get this- she did hire someone last week.  Tiffany.  I only met her briefly.  She worked TWO DAYS, called Nora and said she couldn’t handle it, and quit!  Unbelievable!  Sure a job is overwhelming at the beginning, but to just give up like that?  I was very overwhelmed when I started my job, but the stubborn side of me wouldn’t let anyone have the satisfaction in thinking I couldn’t handle it.  Now its like second nature for me.
 
Is Sara a Christian too?  To me it is so important that Danielle has a strong walk with Christ.  I don’t want to "pat myself on the back",  but my parents and Danielle became Christians because of me.  I will always be humbled and honored by that.
 
That Dilbert cartoon you described to me hits the nail right on the head.  When that Jimmy geek would be talking to me I wanted to say to him, "Excuse me, but what makes you think that someone like me think I’d even be remotely be interested in someone like you?"   You know, I must have done something really bad in a former life! (LOL)
 
Let me tell you a little more about Chaz (you know, the older man who I had a crush on?)  Well, I met him back in 1993 when I was working at  a Laundromat/video store (yes, you can do your laundry and rent movies at the same time!).  He was 38 and I was 20.  A very naive, not very worldly 20, I might add.  He would come in and do his laundry from time to time.  Other than the occasional "hi, hon" and "can I have change for a dollar?"  Not much was said between us.  I didn’t know anything about this guy- I didn’t even know his name.  All I knew is that I thought he was gorgeous.  A year later was when I started my job at the grocery store (which was right across the street from the laundromat),  Chaz would go in my line and smile and say "hi hon."  and all that.  I could tell by the way he smiled at me that he thought I was pretty.  It made me feel good.  I still didn’t know his name.  I guess I was too shy to ask him.  Now I would have been like "so what’s your name?".  Then one night He went in my line and really started coming on to me.  I was flattered, and scared and offended and hopeful and curious all at the same time.  He asked me what my name was.  (finally!)  I told him and he said, "Well, Michele, you are a very pretty girl."  Well, as you can guess I was on cloud nine for the rest of the night!  SO I felt confidant enough to ask his name- Chaz.  As the months passed, I began to find out more about him (via my co-workers)  This is the part where I said he was a man that I shouldn’t have thought of dating comes in-  well, for one thing he would go to the bar.  A lot.  I didn’t know if he had a girlfriend or not,(I later found out that he did) but I just couldn’t imagine him being chaste, you know?  In fact, one of my co-workers said, "do you realize what he does with some of the girls down at the bar?"   I figured that either he and his girlfriend had an open relationship, or he cheated on her like crazy.  But the funny thing is that, even after knowing everything about CHaz, I still thought about us getting together.  I know, crazy, right?  In the beginning, when I first knew him, it was all  about the physical part of it- about how good looking I thought he was.  But over time, I don’t know maybe it was God working in me, I began to care about him.  I began to pray for him.  I guess in a way deep down I was hoping that something romantic would happen, but I truly wanted him to give his heart to Christ.  Another thing about Chaz that I’m thankful for: he respected me.  He knew I was a "nice girl"  and a virgin and he praised that.  He never, ever cut me down. I knew I stood out to him.  So I really didn’t care if he slept with the entire neighborhood, as long as he treated me with respect, that’s all that mattered.  Also, he always told me the truth.  When I found out that he had a girlfriend (ironically, her name was Michele too).  I decided to ask him and see if he would lie to me.  It was perfect timing too.  He went in my line one night and said jokingly, "So do you have a hot date after you’re finished with work?"  "NO."   "Why not?  Don’t you have a boyfriend?"  "No."  "Why not?"  "Because I just don’t, that’s why.  Do you have a girlfriend?" "Yes."  "well, that’s good.  I’m happy for you."   I have so much more to say about this but I’ll just end it with this:  Two years ago we moved.  Only about a half hour from where I’m living now, but it was  far enough to give me the courage to write to Chaz and tell him that I’ve been praying  for him.  Looking back, I don’t know if it was an act of bravery, temporary insanity or maybe a little bit of both.  I haven’t heard from him since.  I still pray for him.  I hope with all my heart that I will see him in heaven someday.  I know now he isn’t "the one" unless a true miracle happens.  I also hope that twenty years from now, he wont remember half the girls’ names that he messed around with, but he will remember me- the one nice girl who treated him like a person and not a sex object.
 
Boy, did I have a lot to say there!  Sorry about that.  Once I get on a roll, there’s no stopping me!  I’ll probably tell you more about Chaz in future letters- along with all my other futile crushes. 
 
I’m glad you turned Ray down when he asked you out.  You go, girl!  When are men like this finally going to get it through their thick sculls that women are not their little playthings who come running every time he snaps his fingers?    Interesting story, a friend of Danielle’s (Erin) just broke up with her boyfriend.  Well, he dumped her.  Erin is also a friend of mine and she e-mailed me.  She said  "I have been thrown away again"  (She had been dumped before.).   As a Christian, and knowing God’s great love for me- I know that I will never be "thrown away."  And even though I have yet to find an earthly husband- Jesus is my heavenly husband and he will never leave me or forsake me.  It really saddens me to see how some girls let their whole lives revolve around a man.  They’re so scared to be alone- they’d date anyone and do anything just to be with someone.  I told God "either I marry my soul mate or I don’t get married.  Period."  Maybe the longer I wait, the more wonderful my husband is going to be.  God knows I will not marry someone just for the sake of being married.  It seems that you have high standards for yourself .  Keep it up- us strong women of faith have to stick together!
 
As for Pittsburgh attractions- here are a few from the top of my head- Kennywood amusement park, PNC park, the Frick art museum, the Pittsburgh zoo, the Carnegie museum and Carnegie library, Mellon Arena (formally the Civic arena), Buhl Science Center, Heinz Hall, and Sandcastle water park.  There are a lot more, but that’s all I can think of  for the moment.
 
Well, its time for me to say good bye for now (aren’t you relieved?)  Until next time, take care and God bless!
 
Michele

From: Anne
To: Michele
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2001 9:16 AM
Subject: I’m baaaack!

Hello, Michelle!
 
Well, I’m finally back at work - yeah, I’m thrilled. How was your vacation/holiday? Mine was blissfully slovenly.
 
I was glad to read that you had a happy b-day. Most of mine are pretty uneventful also - I usually just take myself shopping and treat myself. I’m thinking of planning a trip someplace fun for either this or next year’s b-day, but I don’t know where to go! I’d like for my family to go with me - it’s not as fun when no one’s there to share. I’d love to go to Montreal, Canada or to Australia (I *love* the way they talk.). I’ve never been outside the US. Lately I’ve been thinking that I’d like to visit Los Angeles, CA. My plan will be to visit, meet David Boreanaz, fall madly in love, and get married. I’ll work out the details later! I wonder if having that plan would disappoint me when I actually went and didn’t see anyone famous. Hey, just to be that close to the stars would be cool. I’d better start saving money now!
 
I know what you mean about the naked man pics: I’m also at the giggle/blush stage! (I’m blushing as I type that - tee hee!)
 
After that, I’ll segue into a cute guy story. Sunday, I took a box of doughnuts that I’d bought to church for our singles class. There were only six of us, and most were declining. I went to pick them up to take them to kids’ church, and John, the preacher’s cute son, asked if I’d brought donuts. (Okay, it was obvious that I had, but it was sweet - we were conversing.) We spoke about that - I offered a donut - he took one. (He’d come in to class late, so he didn’t get offered one.) He is so cute! And so young - 21. Drat. The sad part is, later that day I thought of going out with him (not that he asked) and I was really … happy. Then I thought how it surely wouldn’t work. I’m sure his preacher dad would love the idea of evil old me with his son. Sigh. That was the longest conversation that I’ve had with him to date. When I like (i.e. "have a crush on") someone, I cannot seem to speak to him! (Weird, I know!) I’m hoping this will be a new era for me. I will plan to converse with him again, although I’m working the next two Sundays. That’ll give me time to practice my lines.
 
I was sorry to hear that the Fugitive was cancelled - that always seems to happens to the shows I like too! Last week was the Season Finales of Buffy and Angel - I HATE season finales! The cliffhanger they’ve left me with is that Buffy is dead. It’s a long story … I’m sure they will resurrect her next season but I was slightly depressed about it! At least Angel is okay.
 
And speaking of Angel, our cat - Bo Bo - had kittens a while ago and they are finally coming out of the barn so we can see them. Actually they are hanging out under our front porch now. (Bo Bo is an outside cat.) There are four kittens and one of them is solid black so of course I’ve named him/her Angel. My sister is rebelling against calling it that, but I will bring her around! Recently we refer to it as "the little Angel one."
 
That’s about it for now. I’m sure there is some work for me to do, since we are supposed to be moving to our new office location at the end of this week.
 
Talk to you later! God Bless!
Anne